All Is Not Lost, When One Has Hope
by Yamalover
Summary: The end of the 4th Shinobi war.Akatsuki are no more.Iruka,Kakashi & Yamato have survived the turmoil but none are the same,in particular Yamato after his torture & finds his past still plagues him.What can Kakashi & Iruka do to help him? M-deals with depression some Light Yaoi. YAMA KAKA IRU (My OT3)
1. Chapter 1

**All Is Not Lost, When One Has Hope**

**A/N: Potential spoilers for non-manga readers! **

This was in part inspired by the recent manga and shippuden episodes seeing Yamato just suspended like that I felt sorry for him. I always wondered how they coped mentally after all they did and saw as shinobi's so thought I would attempt to write. Its based around depression and how it effects the sufferer as well as the people around them. I also took inspiration from Serani who wrote Keeper (go check it out, its awesome) and have put Yamato, Kakashi and Iruka together in a relationship as I think they work well together. Its based after the 4th great Shinobi war.

My first attempt so please be gentle. All comments appreciated.

All characters are Masashi Kishimoto's and all credit goes to him.

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It's the end of the 4th great Shinobi war. Akatsuki are no more thanks to the efforts of the Great Shinobi Alliance and Naruto. Iruka, Kakashi and Yamato have survived the turmoil but none are the same, in particular Yamato. Yamato, who was captured and tormented beyond Iruka and Kakashi's comprehension by Kabuto and Madara. What can they do to bring him back and ease the mental scars?

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**CHAPTER 1**

Kakashi laid back into Iruka's arms, watching the minute arm tick slowly on the beautifully carved clock Yamato had made for them when they first moved into Kakashi's old family home. He let out the breath he didn't realise he was holding and felt Iruka's arms tighten around him further reading his mind. "He'll be OK babe, we'll all be OK" Iruka reassured both himself as well as Kakashi kissing the top of his head. In truth, he wasn't sure if they could ever go back to the way things were but he damn well would hope and try for Yamato's sake, for all their sake.

It's been 5 months since the end of the war. Slowly but surely, the village and its people were getting back into its normal rhythm of life. Many a life had been lost and many a soul left with scars both physically and mentally. Physical wounds could and would heal, but the mental ones, well the mental ones were tougher and would have to be overcome.

It was a rare afternoon off for both Kakashi and Iruka from helping rebuild the village and securing essential supplies. Kakashi completed the small household chores which seemed pointless to him after everything they've had to deal with. He did it for Yamato, who being house bound till recently kept the house spotlessly clean to keep himself occupied and his mind off greater matters. Iruka prepared a dinner of noodles with miso and walnuts. Walnuts were Yamato's favourite and he hoped the sight of them would be enough for him to take a few mouthfuls. They were both now curled up on the sofa waiting for Yamato to return from his therapy session.

Tsunade Sama insisted every Shinobi had a minimum 6 week session of preventative psychotherapy after the war to avoid any more losses to her village. Kakashi and Iruka both felt better for it but Yamato was understandably put onto the extensive therapy list. After what he'd been through during the war it was a miracle that they even had him to hold. For that, both Kakashi and Iruka would forever remain thankful. Had Itachi and Sasuke not intervened Kabuto when they did and if a Naruto clone passing by hadn't stormed in to save his Taichou after detecting his faint chakra, what their lives would be like now, was not worth thinking about. A broken Yamato was better than no Yamato and both often sent up silent prayers for his wellbeing.

Yamato had spent three months after the war in hospital suffering from broken ribs after being suspended for so long, as well as suffering from snake poisoning and chakra exhaustion. All his chakra channels were damaged after Kabuto's experiments. Sakura, Shizune and Tsunade Sama could only comprehend enough to what Kabuto had to done to Yamato to remove the poison and restore his chakra channels, and hope he would once more be able to fully manipulate wood after the three day extensive and exhaustive surgery. It was touch and go after the surgery but Yamato finally came round 20 hours later. Awaking to unfamiliar surroundings Yamato panicked and with a piercing scream formed a Wood release: Wood Locking Wall to the utter shock and relief of all in the room. It was one thing to help him overcome the torment he suffered, but another for him to come to terms with the loss of his special jutsu. Sakura sighed from exhaustion and with the first real smile in weeks, she coaxed out her Taichou from his cocoon whilst Kakashi and Iruka could only look on in relief swallowing the lumps that had formed in their throats with the release of that heart wrenching cry.

Iruka and Kakashi stayed vigilant by his bedside for those two months. Kakashi himself was still recovering from chakra exhaustion and the overuse of his sharingan. He could hardly move his body with the fierce battles he had fought and it frustrated him. It was tough for Iruka watching both his lovers in such a state whilst trying to rebuild the village at the same time. Kakashi had his bed moved into Yamato's room so he could watch over him and stop Iruka from worrying. Half the time they weren't sure if Yamato knew they were there, as his eyes would wonder over them and gaze out from his window to a place were neither of them could go. He hardly spoke apart from answering a few questions posed by Shizune about his health or to express he wanted something to drink. His nights were restless filled with screams and shouts that disturbed other patients as well as his lovers fiercely, that Tsunade Sama was forced to put him under a sedative state for a week after the surgery. That was a tough week for Kakashi and Iruka as they looked on helplessly to a world Yamato would drift to struggling to survive.

Two months into his stay at the hospital, Yamato awoke with a startled cry apologising to everyone that he wasn't stronger to resist Madara. For the first time Kakashi realised one of the main reasons ailing Yamato. He believed he had let down the alliance buy revealing their strategy. Kakashi placed his hand on Yamato's shoulder and with the other stroked his hair whispering "Yama...It's OK, baby...were here for you" in hush tones to calm and awake him from his nightmare. Yamato stirred and felt clammy, breathing heavily he stared at the blank hospital walls opposite him, taking a moment to shake away the nightmare and find himself again. He peered into those familiar mismatched eyes hovering above him and saw confusion? Worry? No, he knew, it was mostly hurt. He looked to his other side to find Iruka standing, a hand placed on Yamato's leg holding back tears with a similar expression to Kakashi. Yamato sighed and the tears he had been holding back since his rescue finally slipped away without his control. Kakashi wrapped his arms around his lover, placed a light kiss on his lips and held him to his chest as the sobs grew. Iruka came round and encircled both in his arms and they held Yamato, neither able to find words of comfort as all three of their tears flowed freely and Yamato's sobs stabbed at each of their heart.

The sob's finally eased and Yamato looked up into Kakashi's face and then to Iruka's. "Kashi...Ruka, Please...Take me home" he pleaded with his eyes. It was the first time since being rescued that Yamato had uttered their names and showed any interest. Kakashi and Iruka looked at one another both holding back tears, Kakashi gave Iruka's hand a quick squeeze then looked back down at the man in his arms and kissed him thoroughly in response. Yamato opened up and kissed back but then pulled away suddenly without a word. He looked at both the men as if seeing them for the first time. He took in Kakashi's bandaged arm and ribs, Iruka's bandaged head and leg. He touched the familiar scars on both their faces "I'm sorry" he sighed, first looking at Kakashi and then to Iruka. "Ssshh baby, you have nothing to be sorry for" Iruka responded softly and pulled Yamato in for a gentle hug and kiss wishing there was more they could do.

They were soon allowed to take him home, Tsunade Sama agreeing he would probably recover quicker. Luckily the Hatake home was built by Kakashi's ancestors a little further out of the village and had gone unscathed by both the pain attack and war with only the summer house and back garden requiring major work. Once home, they slowly established a routine similar to what they had, taking into consideration Yamato would require as much familiarisation as possible; in truth they both wanted it too. Yamato was very withdrawn and some days chose to sleep in the guest bedroom rather than with them. He often cried out in his sleep and many a time silently wept when he thought Iruka and Kakashi couldn't hear him. The other two could only look on and be there to hold and kiss him when they were sure their actions wouldn't cause him to further withdraw into his shell. "Kashi, it pains me that he won't come to us when his hurting" Iruka cried into Kakashi's arms one night when Yamato chose to sleep in the guest room. They could both hear his silent sobs and both longed to go hold him, comfort him, make love to him and make him forget. "I know babe...he'll find us again Ruka, I know he will. We just have to be more patient" Kakashi reassured Iruka and bent to kiss his lover to take away Iruka's pain as well as ease his own. He knew he was extremely lucky first to have fallen in love and be accepted by Yamato and then for them both to accept Iruka into their relationship. After years of being alone and an outsider, he now couldn't live without either of them without feeling like a part of him was missing. Kakashi withdrew from the kiss with Iruka who proceeded to kiss down Kakashi's neck. "Ruka, I need you please" and with that they both got lost making love to one another to forget, to ease their pain, both longing for their other lovers mouth and hands on them. But they knew they had to be patient and wait for Yamato to come to them.

The clock chimed 6pm; both Iruka and Kakashi looked towards the door to scan for any signs of Yamato. As nothing stirred they returned to staring at the TV not watching anything in particular as they waited.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Spoilers for Non-Manga Readers!  
**

I realise this chapter is very descriptive, but I needed to get Yamato's feelings out. Chapter 3 will be up shortly.

All views and opinions are appreciated.

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**CHAPTER 2**

It was little after 6pm, Yamato finished therapy at 5 but wasn't ready to go home yet so he thought he'd go for a brisk walk to build up his stamina. He wasn't sure if Kakashi and Iruka would be home or not as there was still a lot of work to be done in the village. He had left early this morning without seeing them to help Sakura at the hospital leaving a note telling them where he would be. He walked around the village surveying the damage and felt useless. The structural damage could be repaired quiet easily had his chakra channels been normal. Five months' worth of physical therapy and medical intervention and his chakra flow was only two thirds recovered. Tsunade Sama said it would take a while but he couldn't wait that long and he hated psychotherapy. There was only so much a person could talk about themselves and how they felt. He felt hopeless, useless and incapable of doing anything without feeling like he was being overshadowed by darkness he couldn't explain. Even helping Sakura, his mind was obscured when he saw a patient waling and had frozen to the core. Sakura had gently placed her hand on his arm when she saw his eyes glaze over and cursed herself for bringing him to the hospital, what was she thinking? she asked herself. He had assured her it was OK and he was fine. But he could tell she was beating herself up over it. That was the other thing that bothered him, the worry and pain he caused the people closest to him. He'd sometimes hear Iruka crying over him and Kakashi distressed but he couldn't reach out to comfort them. Even Sai who had little comprehension of emotions asked Kakashi why Yamato Taichou looked in pain when he thought his wounds had healed. Kakashi had to take the boy aside and explain wounds of the heart and mind were not that easy to heal.

He hated himself for all the worry he caused them and often wished he hadn't survived the war. It would be easier for his lovers and his friends, and for himself. He wouldn't have to put up with the helpless gazes they threw him and the awkward silence when his friends came to visit. Even exuberant Gai San was quiet on his visits. But he heard Kakashi's faint words in his head when he felt this helpless. On a tough ANBU mission were they lost a lot of comrades one of the enemy rather than be captured took his life in a terrible manner _'dying was the easy option; it was living that was hard'. _

Kakashi and Iruka had been so loving and understanding and all he'd done was burden them. He missed them greatly, wanted them, but he just couldn't find it in himself to reach out. Few days after returning home they had made love to him, he wanted to taste them, feel and be with them, be whole again. But the shadow had cast its spell and as Iruka was in the midst of kissing him he screamed with the pain he felt in his head. He got into such a state, Kakashi had to bind him down to prevent him from hurting himself and summon Shizune urgently. Since then, when he felt the slight presence of darkness appear, he slept in the guest bedroom. The darkness of his torment invaded him, he prayed the shadow would let him be. How was he to explain that to the ones he loved? He couldn't do that to them again, Iruka hesitated to touch him and Kakashi was always on edge. Though he was surrounded by friends and his lovers he felt isolated, like the world was carrying on leaving him behind and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't catch up. He felt like he didn't deserve happiness, he wasn't worthy of the love and care bestowed on him.

He looked up at the sky and closed his eyes for a moment, "I was but a man with no past and no future, destined to walk alone. I wasn't fated to be loved or love. I was supposed to be a tool, and I should have remained so" he murmured to himself, his childhood horrors flickering through his mind.

He was rescued from Orochimaru's clutches as a child and knew how lucky he was to be alive. He was the only survivor from the experiments carried out by Orochimaru in that lab. He had no name, no identity or any notion of who he was and how he had come to be. He fought tooth and nail to find himself a personality and be acknowledged, graduating at 6 and then immediately being promoted to Chunin, shortly after a Jounin and then joining ANBU. He didn't know love or friendship and was always the person someone needed him to be, mimicking what he saw. He could never be himself as he didn't know what he was until he met his ANBU team and his captain Kakashi. Yamato was fine on his own, hiding in the depth of the Shinobi system…or so he had thought. His ANBU team taught him to laugh, to smile, to live, and eventually his captain Kakashi, taught him how to love. The darkness that had surrounded him as a child was blinded by the light and beauty of what Kakashi had shown him. They then had accepted Iruka and life was bliss. Those who witness and feel the dark, hardly get to witness light. He never hoped he would fall in love not once, but twice! But he did, he had it all, the feeling of being safe and loved, that someone cared what happened to him. He felt like he belonged and he was needed. His life was full with the addition of Sakura, Sai and Naruto as team members, all three a handful with problems of their own but he wouldn't change his charges. It was probably why they all clashed and got along at the same time as each understood the other better than they realised.

He had never hoped for anything before, but he now yearned to remain happy like this forever in the arms of the ones who understood him. He felt complete.

Happiness doesn't last and he knew this. He found himself in the midst of an experiment once more surrounded by the darkness he had fought without realising its form as a child. His DNA and chakra force was used to reinforce the Zetsu army, the major problem faced by the alliance during the war. Sakura and Shizune had noticed his DNA in an autopsy they carried out on one of the Zetsu killed by Sakura. The damned DNA he carried, it had saved as many a life as it had killed, but was it really worth it? He was just an experiment and that was what he should have remained as. Instead of protecting Naruto, he managed to get captured and tortured into giving away the alliances strategy. He felt his head frequently burn after Madara's use of Tsukuyomi on him; he still wasn't sure how much time had passed until Itachi had released him from the genjutsu. He had tried so damn hard to resist but those knives stabbed him constantly, he felt it, the cold blunt blades strike, one after the other. He heard it, the knives exiting and entering leaving wounds. He watched it, the drips of blood a constant steady stream. Darkness. Emptiness. When he could make a coherent thought he saw sudden flashes of light so bright it consumed itself leaving a darker void in its place. He knew there was a better place than this...this emptiness. But he'd lose his mind again. Engulfed by darkness and emptiness. The constant echo of dripping blood. Darkness, drip, drip, drip, darkness.

Yamato had lost himself again as his mind was obscured and the shadow sidled in and consumed him slowly causing tremors through his body. The sudden shouts of two boys bought him back to his senses. "Hey Mr, catch the chicken please!" shouted a breathless boy as he bounded towards Yamato with a flapping chicken ahead of him. "Chicken?" Yamato was too slow to register the shout and was hit square in the head by a fluster of feathers knocking him to the ground before the chicken rounded the corner. Yamato picked himself up grumbled abuse forgetting himself and run after the chicken chasing it around the field with the two boys on his tail. He then heard a cluck and watched as another chicken flapped by him. "What am I doing? I'm a Shinobi for crying out loud" Yamato mumbled to himself. And with that he formed a four-pillar prison capturing the stray chickens.

The little boy looked at him in annoyance panting, "You're a Shinobi? Why didn't you do that earlier?" he inquired. So much for gratitude Yamato thought, but he had no answer, why hadn't he done that earlier? He was now panting hard to catch his breath with two chickens in tow that were scratching him. "Our dad was a Shinobi, he woulda caught those chickens quicker if he was alive" the child said with pride. The eldest put his arms around his brother, "Don't be rude Ryuu! He might still be injured from the war. Sorry Mr, thank you for your help" he smiled.

Yamato looked at the boys, both sadly left to grow up fast with the loss of their father. He realised how lucky he was to have both Kakashi and Iruka with him still alive. Kakashi had been quiet beaten but he had come out of it whole. Then there were Sakura, Sai and Naruto who had been altered by war but that was expected. Naruto was physically and mentally exhausted but he was still in one piece. For the first time he realised life could've been worse. Naruto had walked around weighed with the 5 nation's fate on his shoulders without grumbling. He had just accepted that was his destiny and he couldn't fail no matter how hard and lonely it was. Yamato felt his pain and torture small in comparison to Naruto; he was wallowing in self-pity while the boy took on the world. Naruto could've thrown in the towel when it got tough but chose the lonely path, never really questioning his fate. Even today after saving the world from destruction, they hated and feared him for his strength. It couldn't have been easy being labelled a monster and growing up not having anybody. But once he had made his bonds, he wasn't afraid to ask for help. Both he and Kakashi were alive thanks to Naruto; he made a promise to himself not to ever let Naruto shoulder the burden alone. The poor boy had it tough but Iruka had been there for him at the early stages, Kakashi later on and they would remain so as long as he needed them. Once again he realised how lucky he was to have both his lovers so willing to help but were being pushed away by him. He looked at the two boys who had accepted their destiny to grow up without a father figure. He vowed then to accept what came his way and stop the self-pity.

He observed the coop the eldest boy was trying to repair, it was in dismal condition and near impossible to repair after the damage. "Erm, maybe I can help you boys and your chickens" Yamato smiled handing them a chicken each to hold and giving their hair a quick ruffle. He wanted to do something for the boys and thought to himself it'd only take a little chakra to build the boys a new simple coop. He formed the hand seals and with some concentration conjured up the coop to the admiration of the boys.

"Your amazing Mr" shouted little Ryuu, now clearly a Yamato fan, jumping and shouting for his mum to come see whilst the eldest boy thanked and bowed furiously causing Yamato to chuckle. The mother came running thanking him and bowing just as much as her eldest son that Yamato found he couldn't help himself and asked if they needed any other small structures repaired. After summoning a small shed and repairing a few fences, Yamato felt his chakra dwindle immensely. He had to get back home to rest and once again started feeling a little hopeless with the state of his body. With a wave to the boys and a cake of gratitude from their mother, Yamato walked towards home smiling. It felt good to be needed again and be of a little use to someone at least.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

Kakashi and Iruka heard the front door creak just before 8. Both looked up to see a tired Yamato enter with what could be mistaken as a smile on his face and feathers in his hair. Yamato looked at his lovers curled up on the sofa and gave a small smile.

"Hi, what happened to you? Get into a fight with a chicken?" Kakashi asked as sarcastic as ever to Yamato. He tried to keep up the teasing and humour for his lovers' sake but he hoped Yamato was OK, he could see scratches on him.

"You could say that" laughed Yamato seeing the funnier side of his eventful trip home. "I'll tell you guys over dinner, first I need a shower" he groaned. Before leaving he raised his right hand to show them a parcel "I have cake" he said and walked past them into the kitchen to leave it on the counter.

Iruka and Kakashi couldn't help feeling a little happy at Yamato's lighter mood they exchanged a look before Iruka followed Yamato into the kitchen. He placed a hand on Yamato's arm and squeezed it smiling at him. "I've cooked dinner, Noodles with miso and walnuts, why don't you get that shower and I'll warm it up". Yamato smiled back, he didn't know what to say, Kakashi and Iruka had been trying so hard to stay positive around him. Bringing him his favourite dishes, desserts, magazines and movies he really didn't deserve them he thought to himself again. He hesitated for a bit and placed a kiss on Iruka's lips before heading for the bathroom for his shower hoping Iruka knew how he felt. Iruka looked on in surprise as Yamato hadn't done that on his own accord since his ordeal. He didn't want to make a big deal out of it but it filled his heart completely as he placed his fingers on his lips where Yamato's were a moment ago and smiled.

After his shower, Yamato dressed in a towel went into the bedroom he shared with his lovers to find Kakashi sorting out the dirty clothes he had just thrown on the chair. "Er thanks Kashi, but I could've sorted that out".

"It's OK" Kakashi replied crinkling his eye with a smile. He gazed over Yamato's body to the scars left behind by Kabuto's cruel experiments and his mood darkened. He hadn't been there to stop it, to save him from the torture, he hated himself for it. When he had heard Yamato had been captured he felt his world torn apart. He had little hope of seeing his lover alive again so he concentrated all his energy being a divisional captain and hoped he'd meet Kabuto to rip him apart. He felt guilty for loosing hope and thinking his lover dead. That was the nature of war though, it didn't give you time to ponder or mourn. A survival instinct takes over and all you can do is think of a better tomorrow if you survive the battle.

Yamato felt the gaze and the shift in Kakashi's mood. He felt torn, so walked over to Kakashi and gently placed an arm around him cupping his face; he kissed and hugged Kakashi quickly as if he was afraid to break the man. Kakashi shocked by Yamato's initiation grabbed and pulled him back in for a longer hug and kiss whispering "Yamato… I'm sorry, I just… I Love You Yama" in his ear, feeling the heart beat to remind him that they had him still to hold. Yamato gulped, he wanted to tell Kakashi how much he loved him, how it was his own fault for being so weak and getting captured. But the shadows were taking over and he couldn't get the words out. He slowly moved away from Kakashi not to alarm him and sat down on the bed gripping the duvet to recover his wits.

"What's wrong Yama" Kakashi asked with a tone of hurt in his voice noticing the change in Yamato's body language though he was fighting it. Yamato looked up at Kakashi and saw the same look he had seen in Sakura's face earlier this morning. He hated this, why couldn't he find the right words to do and show them how much he appreciated them. Why couldn't he get rid of this veil of darkness that kept hounding him?

Yamato was determined to overcome this, he shook his head clear and held up a hand for Kakashi to take, "Kashi...I'm OK, sorry, I Just..." he breathed deeply, regained himself and gave Kakashi a smile "Ruka's warming up dinner, help me get dressed please, don't want it to go cold". Kakashi took the hand stunned Yamato was asking for help and was actually concerned about dinner, but he had seen the shadow overcome Yamato. He held the hand for a few moments looking at Yamato's face, thanking his stars that he had got a small glimpse of his lover back but worried at the same time about the depression that wouldn't leave.

Kakashi helped him get dressed dropping small kisses on him and running his hands over the familiar toned body he longed to taste again. Yamato was the lightest of the three men but he was now thinner which caused his clothes to hang loose. Once dressed Yamato asked for Kakashi's hand again and lead him to the table were Iruka had set up dinner. Iruka and Kakashi both shared a gaze and looked at the hand leading Kakashi to the table. They knew not to think much of anything and every small step Yamato took to returning to himself felt like a giant leap to them. But as Kakashi just witnessed it didn't take much for Yamato to withdraw.

Meal times had been a quiet affair since they had bought Yamato back home from the hospital. Kakashi did most of the talking to keep Yamato up-to-date with the village's progress as well as the nation's developments so he didn't feel left out. Iruka kept him updated on Naruto's recovery and antics. Even though Naruto had matured and grown leaps and bounds he was still Naruto causing unintentional havoc in his pace, constantly escaping the medics monitoring him.

Tonight was a little different. They filled him in whilst he tried to find his appetite and then he told them about the boys and the runaway chickens and the structures he had built. Kakashi leaned over and took out one of the feathers that he'd missed from Yamato's hair. They looked at the feather and all fell about laughing. It felt good to laugh again Yamato thought, especially to see his lovers relax a little and not treat him like fragile glass. The food was delicious but Yamato couldn't handle it. He saw the disappointment in Kakashi and Iruka's faces when he couldn't finish what they had prepared for him but he just couldn't stomach it. Another reason why his recovery had been so slow. After a few mouthfuls, Yamato stopped eating and looked at Iruka apologetically. To deter Yamato's mind from the food Iruka asked him about his day with Sakura. He told them about the tiresome inventory he did with Sakura and general hospital maintenance ensuring he left out the incident he had with the wailing patient. Both Iruka and Kakashi knew him well and sensed something had happened but chose to ignore it. Sakura worried about her Taichou, kept him close to monitor his progress and to distract him from thinking too much. Both Kakashi and Iruka were grateful to her and proud of the young women she was becoming.

Yamato then remembered the cake and rose to go get it from the kitchen. Iruka and Kakashi were left brimming at the thought of him being able to rebuild structures but also how much happier he seemed. Iruka leaned over and captured Kakashi's lips for a thorough kiss. Yamato was slowly getting better. They saw the glimpse of silver lining the stormy clouds, no matter how small. They both then hurriedly finished their meals not wanting to make Yamato feel bad for not finishing his and took the dishes to the kitchen. They found him serving up the cream filled sponge cake. Kakashi without thinking in his happiness wrapped his arm around Yamato's irresistible body and kissed the side of his neck. Yamato dropped the spoon he was holding and for a moment, time seemed to stop for all of them. Please don't withdraw, Kakashi prayed silently as Iruka looked on with a similar plea. Yamato took a moment, steadied himself then turned, wrapped his arms around Kakashi and took his lips. Iruka breathed a sigh of relief and came up behind Yamato to kiss the back of his neck.

Yamato held Kakashi and rested his head on his shoulder whilst both his lovers kissed up and down his neck and jaw. He turned to face Iruka and they shared a kiss of their own. He yawned, the days fatigue catching up on him. "Sorry…I'm just tired" Yamato sighed.

"How bout we take the cake into the bedroom, you can eat it whilst resting a little?" Iruka asked. Yamato put a hand out to Iruka's face and gently stroked his cheek. He didn't want cake but Iruka looked nervous, so he smiled to ease his anxieties. Kakashi picked up Yamato "I can walk Kashi, I'm not that tired".

"I know but I'm not risking it, besides I like carrying you, makes me feel all manly" Kakashi responded with a chuckle placing a kiss on top of his nose, Yamato was considerably lighter than he thought which worried him. Yamato and Iruka looked at Kakashi rolling their eyes. "Who said you weren't manly? We'll attest your manly enough" Iruka laughed squeezing Kakashi's rump making him groan. "Yes we will" Yamato laughed. With that they headed out the kitchen cake in hand.

There was a knock at the door. Iruka and Kakashi looked at one another, who could be calling at this time of night and what bad timing, just as they were easing Yamato out of his world. Kakashi reluctantly put Yamato down and headed for the door, who ever it was knew how to mask their chakra and he wasn't going to risk Iruka and Yamato getting hurt. "Kakashi Sensei" the pale face smiled.

"Sai, what brings you here so late, come in" Kakashi smiled back happy to see his charge back from Suna safe. Sai had been sent on a mission to Suna to share some medical knowledge as they couldn't afford to let Sakura or Shizune go and Sai was a quick learner. "Sorry to disturb you, I've just returned from Suna, Kazekage Sama sends his best Kakashi Sensei. I came to drop this off for Yamato Taichou" Sai said lifting a small brown sack.

"Sai, hello" Yamato smiled peering from behind Kakashi as Sai entered the house. "Yamato Taichou you look happy…I" he paused considering his Taichou for a moment before finishing "Are you really OK… or is that a fake smile and you're not happy?" He asked innocently as he genuinely wasn't sure, his Taichou still looked tired and in pain yet he was smiling.

Yamato laughed "No it's real, I'm really happy to see you Sai" and put a hand on his shoulder giving it a squeeze before stepping back to take the sack Sai handed over, "I came over to give you these, I know you like them, Kakashi Sensei makes Temari Chan bring them for you." Kakashi smirked as he knew Sai was observant but he didn't expect this.

"Eh, thank you Sai" Yamato peered into the sack wondering what it could be. To his great shock and surprise he found it full with walnuts. He gasped and pulled out a handful to show Kakashi and Iruka. "This is too much Sai, I love walnuts and ones from Suna are the best but this…Sai…this must have cost you a fortune!" Yamato asked wide eyed.

"No not really, the lady gave me a discount when I told her it was for my Taichou who was injured. She also sold me this." He handed Yamato a small blue box. "She said it has the power to heal wounded hearts, I hope you feel better" he smiled not realising how this would affect Yamato.

He opened the box to find 12 hand crafted walnut whirl chocolate pieces. Yamato didn't know what to say. He swallowed the lump that formed in his throat "I…Sai…" he regarded the pale smiling face; Sai was raised to have no emotions and often didn't understand what he felt or what others felt. Here he was doing the nicest thing for Yamato, even if a sack of walnuts was a bit excessive. Sai had come a long way since his ROOT days and Yamato felt an ounce of pride for the way he was turning out. Sai took everything literally, Kakashi had told him wounded hearts took longer to heal and were harder to reach. So when the shop keeper had told him chocolate could mend hearts in jest, Sai had believed her and thought he had found the answer. Yamato smiled he wanted to give him a hug but knew Sai would feel awkward, "Thank you Sai, you didn't have to do this". Sai regarded his Taichou who was still smiling but his eyes glistened with tears. Kakashi came up behind Sai and placed a hand on his shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze seeing the confusion in the boys face, "Neh Sai, you've made your Taichou very happy". He thought he should tell Sai that chocolates couldn't heal hearts but the boy looked pleased with himself. "The chocolates will help heal his heart because you gave them to him, not because they have any power".

"Oh" was the only response they got from Sai. Iruka laughed "Thank you very much Sai" he ruffled the jet black hair and wrapped his arms around Yamato, "would you stay for a bit to eat some cake with us?"

"No thank you, I need to report to Tsunade Sama. Sorry for disturbing you all. The sack was heavy after that trek so I just wanted to give it to Yamato Taichou before I did anything else. I'll be leaving now". Kakashi put his arm around Sai and showed him to the door "That was very nice of you Sai, thank you." He crinkled his eyes smiling.

"I hope he feels better, he still looks like his in pain" Sai creased his forehead examing Yamato. He just didn't understand why Yamato Taichou wasn't feeling better yet but he didn't like seeing his Taichou upset or Sakura and Naruto. "I hope he his eating better". "He'll get better Sai, don't worry" Kakashi reassured his charge with a smile. He paused looking at Kakashi, this man was harder to read, he seemed happy but there was sadness in his one visible eye. Emotions were strange he concluded, "Bye Kakashi Sensei" and with that he was off.

Kakashi shut the door and turned to face the other two. "Erm that was some visit. You OK Yama?" he raised his eyebrows in question. Kakashi wasn't sure how Yamato would take this. Sai meant well. "I don't know what to say, Sai out of all people" Yamato sighed still shocked at what he had heard. How broken am I? he thought to himself.

Iruka felt Yamato tense up in his arms, "Babe his just worried. You've always been nice to him. You told us about your first meeting with him and mission. Think he feels he owes you and you're probably the closest he has to…well anything that resembles a family" Iruka finished kissing Yamato's shoulder. Yamato didn't think of that, he felt a fondness towards Sai and wished he had hugged him to show him how appreciative he was. "When you guys said he took everything literally I didn't know how literal. A whole sack of walnuts?" Yamato and Kakashi chuckled at Iruka's words. Yamato looked down at the chocolates again feeling tears well up. He blinked them away remembering Sai's words, _heal wounded hearts_. Iruka saw the tears in Yamato's eyes and turned him around to kiss him. Kakashi came and joined the kiss all three getting lost in one another's lips and tongues causing Yamato to drop the sack. Iruka picked up the sack and placed it on the table smirking. "What are we going to do with them all? We have enough to feed half the village!"

"I may not like walnuts by the end of this" Yamato groaned causing the other two to laugh. "Let's get you to bed Yama" Kakashi said seeing Yamato's eyes drooping. "We can think of endless recipes after a good night's rest". Iruka picked Yamato up to make sure he would be sleeping with them tonight in their bedroom. Yamato looked at him eyes questioning "I like to feel manly once in a while too" he winked. Yamato gave up, rolled his eyes and put his arms around Iruka. They all laughed, Kakashi picked up the cake and followed them into the bedroom.

They cradled him between them in the bed, kissed and fed him pieces of cake making small talk. Yamato resigned himself to them trying to comfort his lovers, concern still etched all over their face. Sai's words still fresh in min, he thought to himself again, how broken am I? They deserve more than this, he had to tell them. "I'm sorry for making you both worry so much" he sighed. Kakashi was about to say something but Yamato held up his hand. He took a deep breath withdrew himself from Kakashi's arms and continued "I know I've not been easy to be around lately… all I've done is pushed you both away when you were trying to help and have upset you both. I'm not the easiest to love either, yet you both tell me you still do… and haven't left my side." The image of Ryuu and his brother came to him and he explained to Kakashi and Iruka that the boys were now forced to grow up with the loss of their father to the war. He looked at Kakashi and Iruka both of who knew better than many how the boys felt. He reached out caressing each of their cheeks. "I realise how lucky I am to have you both alive and in one piece. But I've done nothing but burden you both as well Naruto, Sakura and Sai. Naruto's been so courageous and shouldered everything and I couldn't even protect him". All three felt vast pride towards the boy and how well he had overcome his struggles to become the village and five nation's hero.

Yamato hated himself for not being able to get over his demons and walk with his head held high like Naruto. Naruto, who softened and changed the hearts of many, had touched all three of them. On their very first mission together Sai had stated '_The best way to pass something bad, Is with a smile'_. Yamato believed if Naruto wasn't constantly smiling he would be crying. That was how he himself had felt most of his life. Now here he was with two people that cared for him so, looking at him with sorrow, hurt and pain carved onto their faces. Tears welled in Yamato's eyes. He wanted to give them the option, they didn't have to suffer too. Though he wasn't sure what he would do without them but he loved them too much to see them hurt. He gazed at his hands not being able to meet their stares and continued the tears spilling, "I understand that if you don't want to... If you don't want me... If you don't..." at this point Kakashi did jump in, he couldn't take this anymore.

"Yamato, look at me" with that he raised Yamato's chin to meet his gaze and sighed wiping away his lover's tears, "Yamato, we want you baby… and that's all we want."

Iruka looked at Yamato and it pained him to see Yamato confusedt. "Baby, you know you can talk to us, right?" He kissed away the tears which had fallen afresh. "If there's anything we can do for you…anything at all to help ease whatever it is your feeling. We love you baby…and want to help you get through this." He stroked Yamato's pale face noticing the new scratches left by the chickens.

Yamato finally asked out loud between whimpers "How broken am I?" and tears streamed down his face. Sai didn't understand scars of the heart and mind. Yamato knew that, but the pale faced boy had seen that his Taichou was suffering and wanted to help.

"Yama…babe...don't say that! You're not broken baby, you're not broken do you hear me". Iruka reached out but Yamato withdrew covering his face with his hands. "Yama baby please" he cried out "Your taking this better than most would. But we want you to know…you don't have to do this alone. Please…tell us what we can do for you." Iruka's eyes shed silent tears, hearing Yamato ask if he was broken was ripping him in two.

"Don't shut us out Yama please" Kakashi pleaded not being able to hold back his anguish seeing Yamato like this.

"Whatever it is baby…we can get through this" Iruka added.

"Yama…" Kakashi couldn't finish his sentence; it got caught in his throat. Yamato's eyes were red and his pale face flushed from emotion was now buried in his own arms and they couldn't reach him. Kakashi didn't think he could take this pain much longer, seeing his lover like this teared him up. He needed to punch something. Iruka squeezed his hand seeing the fire in Kakashi's eyes, calming him down.

"Yama… please you don't have to do this alone" Iruka appealed again in a whisper. He wanted to hold Yamato to get inside that head of his to remove all the hurt and pain. Iruka couldn't hold onto his emotions anymore, he let out sobs that shook his body.

Yamato heard the sobs and looked up to find Iruka grief-stricken and Kakashi's face contorted in pain. "Please…" he murmured reaching out for them both. "Please…don't…don't shed tears for me". He patted Iruka's cheek dry with his palm.

"Yamato, your pain is our pain; your happiness is our happiness". Iruka sobbed holding Yamato's gaze trying to persuade him, to show him he meant every word he said. "Baby we love you, what else can we do to show you?"

The tears that left Yamato's eyes dripped onto Iruka's outstretched hands. "Nothing, you've both done so much for me. I am who I am today because of both your love. I'm so sorry. I'll try harder" he whimpered looking at each in turn.

"Yama, it's OK" Kakashi hushed him. "We know you've been trying, but these things take time. Please…just don't shut us out. I can't take that babe".

Kakashi put his arms out "come here" and took both Yamato and Iruka into his arms holding them with all his might. The tears eased, Yamato looked up into their faces, "I'm so sorry "he exhaled squeezing the arms holding him. Yamato nuzzled back into Kakashi's chest trying to offer comfort. He felt Kakashi's irregular breathing caused by the tears he had shed for him. "I love you both, I don't mean to hurt you, I really don't…I'm so sorry".

"We know babe, we know, don't apologise" Iruka stroked Yamato's cheek "we love you" Kakashi finished. Yamato felt a weight lift off his chest with the release of his tears. His mind seemed a little clearer. He felt safe again after such a long time and was lulled into his first dreamless sleep in the arms of his lovers, their heart beats echoing in his body. Kakashi and Iruka tightened their hold on Yamato afraid to let him go. They kissed each other over Yamato's head and both closed their eyes finally knowing that they were reaching and slowly bringing Yamato out from his darkness.

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Please Review. Little stuck on which angle to take so any help/comments appreciated.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:**** Manga Spoilers****  
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**Warning: This Has some Light Yaoi, if you don't like it don't read it please Skip to the next paragraph :D  
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**CHAPTER 4**

Iruka awoke with the gentle warmth of breath on his face; Yamato was only a few centimetres away from him. As Iruka had beaten the alarm clock, he savoured the half an hour watching the two sleeping on his left. Yamato was lying nestled in the crook of Kakashi's shoulder an arm and leg spread over Iruka. Kakashi had his arm around Yamato's middle with his face burrowed in Yamato's hair and a leg also resting on Iruka. He smiled to himself seeing both of them looking somewhat peaceful even if there was some visible strain on their faces. Yamato had hardly stirred all night; he occasionally whimpered in his sleep but otherwise seemed quite content which signalled hope to Iruka.

He lay there contemplating how his life was and now is. He had two beautiful men who loved and cared for him and he wasn't prepared to loose either. They all had their own demons but this was beyond his comprehension. Yamato had been suspended and poisoned for weeks on top of being under Madara's Tsukuyomi. Kakashi had briefly been under Itachi's Tsukuyomi and it had taken him weeks to get over it and rebuild the mental walls. Yamato knew this and wasn't asking Kakashi for help, maybe not wanting to remind him of the incident, which would be exactly like Yamato he thought. Never wanting to burden anyone with his troubles, even now that he could share it with two other people who loved him for who he was, he continued to carry the weight of his concerns alone. This had always bothered Iruka but at least he had finally opened up a little yesterday which was reassuring. He looked back at his lovers; both had fought gallantly during the war. Kakashi captain of the 3rd battalion and Yamato although captured had done his part protecting Naruto and the five nations. He often felt useless in comparison to the sacrifices his lovers made to ensure the wellbeing of the village.

Every time they both left the village he wasn't sure if he would see them whole again or if they would even return. He spent his time rattling around in the empty house with his insecurities. That was the lifestyle of a Shinobi he knew that but he couldn't always accept it. So when Yamato had gone for a month with Naruto to the Island and Tsunade Sama came to him to persuade Naruto to stay on the Island he jumped at the opportunity. His first thought was to protect Naruto but he would get to see Yamato as well. He cared for Naruto like a little brother and knew he had influence over him, even today, when he was stronger than Iruka would ever be.

When he got to the Island and had heard about Yamato, Iruka felt like he had been sucked into a whirlpool and never thought he'd see his lover again, let alone alive. He felt physically sick and disorientated that Aoba had to stabilise him. His heart felt like it had been ripped out and his body left lifeless as an empty shell. He didn't shed any tears, he couldn't, he just stood there frozen Aoba helping to keep him on his feet. Time had no meaning for him anymore, he wasn't sure how long he had been out of it, until Gai had held him and assured him he would be searched for and that Naruto needed him right now. He couldn't stop Naruto; he didn't want to stop him. If anyone could find Yamato it would be Naruto and Kakashi, who cared for him as much as Iruka. Iruka thought of Kakashi, who was leading out a battalion to war. How was he going to take this? He needed to see Kakashi, hold him and feel him to make the living nightmare go away. But he knew Kakashi had a tougher job, it would be up to him to lead his battalion decorously whilst keeping Yamato in the back of his mind.

He looked at the face adjacent to him and stroked the soft brown hair. He had no way of showing Yamato just how much he meant to him, he just hoped he knew. He wouldn't let Yamato be alone; he knew too well what that felt like. He went back to caressing the pale face. Yamato smiled in his sleep, his face was soft, homely, round with those big puppy brown eyes that just wanted to make you hold and love him, yet scared Naruto. He reached over to remove the silver hair out of Kakashi's face to view the beautifully sculpted face better. Kakashi's face was the opposite, angular, edgy, but he had a soft smile that put you at ease. Both were extremely stunning and he was the luckiest man alive to be able to wake up with them in his arms.

The alarm clock sounded and he heard twin groans from both men causing him to chuckle. "Morning" he kissed Yamato who was now stirring and blinked twice to steady his vision. He smiled seeing Iruka's face. "Hi" he rasped sleep still caught in his throat as he tried to shift to get on his back. "Mmmm…what do I have to do to get a kiss around here?" came a muffled voice from behind Yamato. Yamato poked him in the ribs causing him to yelp and the other two to laugh. "You're so mean Yama" Kakashi begrudgingly let him go. Yamato smiled before turning and kissing him, Iruka leaned over to drop kisses of his own on both men. All three lay there tangled up in each other savouring the feel, no one wanting to move. Iruka looked at Yamato who seemed more at ease with himself than yesterday. "You sleep OK baby?" Iruka asked propping himself up on his elbow so he could caress Yamato's face easier. He smiled "Yes". He had actually felt at peace sleeping between both of them, the fatigue helping too. He looked at them; they were still concerned about him so to lighten the mood he finished "apart from him nuzzling my ear, slept very well" he gave Kakashi a pointed stare. This did the trick and both Kakashi and Iruka grinned.

"You can't blame me, your ear is as sexy as the rest of your body" Kakashi continued nibbling at the said ear running his hand down the body. Yamato flinched "I err…Sorry Kashi. I…I have to go help Sakura again; I don't want to be late. I'll never hear the end of it and I…I don't want your reputation" Yamato quickly finished not looking at Kakashi's expression as he knew he had hurt him. He hated himself for putting them through this.

Iruka chuckled ignoring the flinch and trying to keep the mood light "And the fact she's surpassing Tsunade Sama's strength each day is scary too". They all laughed at that, as caring as Sakura was she had a bad temper. "Speaking of whom, don't you have to report to Tsunade Sama Kashi?" Iruka smirked. "Shit..." Kakashi grumbled causing them all to chuckle again; he chose to ignore Yamato's flinch but he couldn't deny that it had hurt him to see Yamato recoil at his touch.

"What about you Ruka" Kakashi asked. "I have to be at the academy today to organise classes before we open, I won't be home till late" Iruka was disappointed, he wanted to be home early to be with Yamato. He wasn't sure if this mood of his would last, if it didn't he wanted to be there to catch him before he fell further.

Iruka looked at Yamato smiling "Do you want the first shower?" he asked. Yamato nodded stroking Iruka's hair and got up to gather his things for the shower, he smiled over his shoulder as he left knowing both of them were watching him and probably wanted to talk over yesterday's conversation.

Iruka rolled over to Kakashi and dropped kisses along his jaw. "You OK?" he asked seeing the look of disappointment in Kakashi's face. "Yeah, I just wanted to feel him…I know, I know, his not ready" Kakashi replied in answer to Iruka's questioning look. "I know what you mean. The bed feels larger without him" Iruka pouted nuzzling into Kakashi's hair.

Kakashi took Iruka's lips and kissed him hard. Their tongues battled for dominance and they got lost in the feel of each other's mouths. Iruka slid his hand down Kakashi's leg and felt hardness. "Let me take care of that for you" he grinned and slid his hand into the boxers pulling him out. "Aahhhh Ruka…wait…please". He felt lips on his ears. Iruka slid down his body taking his nipple in his mouth "Ruka please... I can't...Mmmm" he got lost in the sensation and gave himself up to Iruka's assault. He felt Iruka's gentle hand stroke his length releasing gasps from the man which got louder when he rubbed both their lengths together and stroked them in unison causing more moans to escape whilst they kissed. Kakashi wrapped his hand around Iruka's then and stroked to the same rhythm. Iruka whimpered, he wasn't going to last long, seeing the expressions on Kakashi's face was enough "Aahhhh" he moaned feeling Kakashi's hand rub the top of his length. Iruka quickened his strokes causing Kakashi's face to contort as he held on.

Yamato heard them from the hallway and yearned to join them he felt himself stir with their sounds and fought to keep control. He wasn't ready to take that step yet; afraid the darkness would engulf and overshadow him in the midst of love making. He couldn't do that to either of them again. Though they assured him he was all they needed and wanted there was only so much one could take and he didn't want to push them over the edge losing them. Nobody keeps a place in their heart for the wounded for too long. Their tears last night were heart wrenching and he didn't want to see them again.

He waited for them to come down from their climaxes before entering the bedroom. He smiled at them and avoided eye contact, he knew he wouldn't last seeing them both flushed and groaned internally adjusting his tenting towel. He hated this. Iruka and Kakashi looked up panting they hoped he would join them but he went about getting dressed. Iruka dropped a kiss on Kakashi's forehead before getting up. He looked at Yamato's bare back with a towel loosely wrapped around his waist. He wanted so desperately to take him seeing Yamato so vulnerably exposed in front of him, he cleared his throat "Eh, I'll get breakfast ready Kakashi, take the next shower" and left for the kitchen resisting the urge to squeeze Yamato's rump. Kakashi was fighting his own demons seeing both Yamato wet after his shower and Iruka half-naked with a blush across his face. He was glad to be next for the shower as he needed to cool himself down.

They dressed quickly and ate a hurried breakfast all leaving together. The hospital was the first stopping point, Iruka and Kakashi captured Yamato's lips in turn kissing him goodbye causing him to blush as people looked on. "We'll see you in the evening" Kakashi smiled dropping a small bag of walnuts in his hands. Yamato clutched the bag to his chest and smiled back, he loved them both so for the little things they did and for putting up with him. Iruka saw the look of disappointment and pulled him in for a hug "have a good day babe" he kissed him. "Sakura keep him out of trouble for us" he waved to his former student. "Will do Iruka Sensei, Kaka Sensei" she waved back.

The morning was grey; Yamato was helping Sakura with odd jobs. They were now on their way to the academy to drop of some medical supplies for the new term. Sakura felt the rain start to fall "Taichou, lets hurry I don't want the bandages getting wet". They run for the nearest cover. The academy was not how either of them remembered, the bulk of it was patched up but there were a lot of repairs to do still. The rain got heavier and leaked through the cracks in the ceiling. They found the medical ninja's office and dropped the boxes off.

"Yamato Taichou, let's go say hello to Iruka Sensei, he shouldn't be too far" she smirked knowing full well how embarrassed calm and stoic Yamato could get when his lovers teased and kissed him in public. He blushed before nodding, he wanted to see Iruka and maybe get some lunch together. The rain got heavier and more leaks appeared. They saw Gai Sensei from a distance helping with repairs. "Oi, Yamato, Sakura!" he shouted waving at them with his broad smile. Yamato waved back but as he did he heard a huge crack; he looked up just in time to push Sakura out of the way of the collapsing walk way. Yamato found himself trapped in the dirt. He couldn't see anything and his body felt numb. His head was throbbing, "Oohhh" he groaned and lost consciousness.

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Thanks for reading, hope your enjoying it!


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5**

"Taichou!" Sakura screamed smashing her way through the wall that had collapsed on her trapping her lower body. Gai and the other Shinobi nearby run to aid her. The whole of the walk way had collapsed under the heavy rainfall. She had to get Yamato out, and clambered to the top of the pile pulling the stones away.

Yamato heard scraping from above and a murmur of voices. He couldn't hear what they were saying but they felt far away. He came to his senses and remembered what had happened. He wasn't sure how long he was out for. His head screamed and his body shook to the core. _"You can't push me away" _he heard the leering voice.

Yamato looked around him looking for the source of the voice "Wha…what…Who are you?"

"_They don't care about you… but I do. I made you"_.

"Where are you…Show yourself"

"_I've been trying to, you keep pushing me away"_ the voice sniggered.

He saw the shadow of a leering face in the midst of his mind. _"That's right, you knew along…Tenzou"_. His head burned and his eyes stung from pain "Arrggg" he cried. He didn't recognise the outline of the face and he didn't want to. He felt the shadow seep into the core of his being _"You…Are…Mine"_ it hissed.

"No…Get away from me". He had to get out of there. _"You can't stop me now"_ laughed the sneering voice, reaching for him. Yamato screamed in sheer terror, trying to fight back and pushed the final few layers of debris off him using the strength of panic. The rain found itself into the gap he had opened and it fell onto his clammy face. Sakura scrambled down to where she saw movement and found Yamato climbing out pale as a ghost and alarm on his face. He gripped his head and groaned.

"Taichou, Oh God, let me check your injuries" she trembled seeing the man shook up.

"Don't touch me" he screamed. "Get away from me". Yamato picked up a steel pipe lying near by waving it menacingly at Sakura and Gai. His body shuddered with every step he took. His eyes were vacant and there was utter terror on his face.

"Taichou…".

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I kow it's short...Sorry :D


	6. Chapter 6

**WARNING:** It gets a little Dark in this chapter as were dealing with Yamato's Past.

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**CHAPTER 6**

"Aaarrrrggggg" Yamato dropped to his knees holding his head releasing the pole which clattered to the ground.

"Taichou…" Sakura shouted a little shocked at Yamato's behaviour. She ran up to him trying to heal the wound on his head and stem the blood. The string of sense in Yamato broke and his mind scattered like beads; he lashed out hitting Sakura square in the abdomen with a wood tendril bruising and knocking the air out of her. "Don't touch me" he screamed again.

"Sakura!" Gai moved to catch her before she hit the ground and dodged the next tendril that came at them carrying Sakura out of harm's way. "Shit…Yamato's not himself" he stared at the form in front of him holding his head in anguish lashing out like a caged animal. He signalled to the Shinobi nearby to send word to Iruka. He sent out a turtle to Kakashi. "Sakura, heal yourself, we need to restrain him. I've sent word for Kakashi and Iruka, we need to keep him from hurting himself till they arrive and calm him".

Sakura barely had time to heal herself when she saw the beginning of Yamato's hand seals for the great forest technique. She gathered chakra into her right hand and slammed it into the ground causing it to break. "Sa…Sakura…Don't damage the academy any more than it already is" Gai sighed. Yamato felt the ground tremor and jumped forming hand seals. "Sorry I was trying to stop him without hurting him".

"Wood Release: Four Pillar Prison!" they all heard the shout too late and found them self imprisoned in Yamato's jutsu. Yamato fell to the ground gripping his head again; they heard an animalistic cry of agony from him as he turned clutching his abdomen and took to the trees. The cry shook them to the core sending shivers through their veins. Gai turned to find Sakura shaking are eyes wide and teeth clenched.

"Shit…Shit…Sakura, stay with me now. We need to get out of here and go after him. Sakura!" Gai shouted sternly, trying to destroy the prison and keep Sakura from breaking down. Sakura shook her head clear and pounded at the prison releasing her anger and sorrow seeing her Taichou like that. Iruka ran to them "What happened? Where's Yamato?" he asked panic stricken seeing the two in Yamato's prison. "Sensei…" Sakura whimpered.

Gai looked at Iruka and Sakura feeling their pain but there was no time to waste "He just took off North West. Iruka hurry, we'll catch up when we get out of this. Sakura step back". Ninjutsu was being absorbed by the prison but it was no match for his Taijutsu. He performed Konoha whirlwinds repeatedly to shatter the prison. Once released, they climbed out and took to the trees immediately. They were both disturbed by what they had seen. _'Kaka Sensei… hurry!'_ Sakura pleaded in her thoughts, the tears falling from her eyes.

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Yamato ran confused and disorientated from tree top to tree top going where his legs took him. His mind was obstructed and the shadows leering face seeped in again, he wouldn't let himself recognise it. _"You can't run from me lab rat"_ it sniggered pulling at his soul.

"NO! NO...Aaarggg" Yamato fell to the ground holding his head; his sleeve got caught on a branch grazing his arm badly as he fell. He found himself in a clearing that looked and felt familiar yet he had no recollection of. He walked further gripping his bleeding arm and found himself near a cave taking shelter from the rain. This too looked familiar but he didn't know why.

From somewhere within, the wounds of the past released themselves reaching the heart and he lost himself to it. The shadow would not be supressed. It MUST come out and it MUST be heard. It took on a form and the face scrutinised him further. "_You are mine_" it hissed "_and you shall forever remain so_". The shadow had weakened its prey and pushed away the memory of the current Yamato to the depths. "_You can't hide from yourself Tenzou_" it sneered, "_Yamato doesn't exist; they don't know who you are_" it laughs at him.

"WHY ME?" Yamato asks the shadow in a whimper "Why me?" The walls built in his early years to hide this mist had been breaking down slowly the past few months and finally it had collapsed completely.

"_Why not you_?" the sneering face laughed "_There were so many lost and abandoned children…you weren't special Tenzou…hahaha…no…you just had a stronger will to survive…but this time…I won't let you get away_" the shadow came at him and passed through him in a cold sweat. The darkness consumed his soul in one great wave.

Screams, echoes of screams, metal scraping on metal. Arms holding him down, straps binding him keeping him still. He had no understanding of what was happening to him or who he was. Spasms, he felt his body spasm, he was cold, tired, hungry. This was the norm for him. They kept him like this, in a long dark room lined with cubicles and a single light bulb. He had no concept of time, days, hours, minutes, seconds they were not familiar to him, he did not know their existence.

Darkness. Emptiness. That's all he knew. Other bodies around him suffer seizures and he sees them cough up blood. Cries, more screams. He was being injected with something, it hurt, it hurts he thinks. But he doesn't understand pain his only an infant, he knows he doesn't like it. A leering face, he soon comes to associate it with the hurt he feels and cowers when in his presence. He doesn't understand what he feels, no one has explained emotions to him yet but he knows this man makes him shiver and hurt.

The screams echo over and over in Yamato's head. He crawls on his hands and knees further into the cave to drown out and escape the memories. His body convulses when the images get stronger and the screams louder. "N…Nnn…No!" he gasps for breath. His chest tightens, he can't fight the darkness, the shadow, the screams, the cries, he tries but he can't fight it anymore. He shrieks out in pain, a sudden flash of blinding white light crosses him "Kakashi…Iruka…forgive me" he saw their faces flicker through his mind then immediately was replaced by a black void. He couldn't endure the pain anymore and gave himself up to the darkness of his memories letting it devour him whole.


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7**

Iruka rushed through the forest trying to sense Yamato's chakra, but the rain and wind was making it impossible. From the sheer shock on Sakura's face he knew Yamato had fallen far_. I should've stayed with him; I've failed him_. "Yamato…wait for me" he pleaded to the wind, "wait for us". He knew Kakashi wouldn't be far, Gai would've sent word.

Kakashi got the message turtle from Gai, he didn't like this. "Tsunade Sama, you'll have to excuse me it's from Gai, he only sends them if his in danger".

She nodded, "Sai go with him. Send word to let me know the situation" the Hokage dismissed them. She had a bad feeling about this and hoped it was a mistake like the last time when Gai had sent it accidently.

Not being able to use Sai's ink birds due to the rain meant locating Gai was difficult. They searched for half an hour, Kakashi trying to sense Gai's chakra which he knew would have been released in abundance so Kakashi could track him. With the rain slowing to a drizzle he finally picked it up. Sai took the opportunity to use his ink birds and they spotted Gai and Sakura running through the forest drenched without rain cloaks. Sakura spotted them and jumped higher into the trees to be pulled onto the bird by Kakashi. "Sakura what happened?" he looked at his student concerned over how battered and bruised she was and wrapped his cloak around her shoulders.

"Kaka Sensei…Its Yamato Taichou, his…his not himself, we have to find him, his injured" she sputtered holding onto her tears. Kakashi's world started spinning. This was the last thing he wanted to hear and he guessed Yamato was the reason for Sakura's bruises. Gai jumped on the bird just then and wrapped an arm around Kakashi's shoulder to bring him back. "Iruka's gone after him, but we can't find either of them. Yamato had a 10 minute lead on Iruka, Sakura and I followed a bit later. The weather isn't helping, we can't sense them".

Kakashi blinked gathering his thoughts and landed the bird. He summoned the Ninken Pack and explained the situation. "Sai, send word to Tsunade Sama and send some ink rodents to find Yamato and Iruka". "Already done Sensei" Sai replied finishing the last rodent on his scroll. He took to the skies again "If I find him, I'll send word using Uhei "and grabbed the Nin dog that he was fond of. Kakashi was glad he had people that cared about Yamato searching, as no one would give up on his lover.

Kakashi looked at Sakura, "Are you going to be ok Sakura?" He was troubled about the internal damage Yamato's attacks could cause, he was well aware of them; being on the receiving end of an angry Yamato a few times when he had teased him beyond reason, this was before they became lovers and Yamato was now much stronger. "We need to find him so I can heal him Kaka Sensei, I'll be OK, it's just bruising" she winced. The pack scattered looking for Yamato in urgency, Pakkun with Kakashi. Bull with Sakura and Urushi with Gai so they had a way to communicate. The pack liked the young man, had known him since he was a child in ANBU with Kakashi and knew he was struggling with his current situation. He was always nice to them and had even forgiven Guruko when he ate Yamato's lunch last week. But tracking him was going to be difficult, they knew his scent already but it had been washed away by the rain.

"Tenzou…" Kakashi whispered and set off. He hadn't used that name for a while; his lover preferred his current name as that's when his life started looking up. But Kakashi had fallen in love with him as Tenzou and fallen further when he was put on his team as Yamato.

* * *

Tsunade Sama had a feeling this wasn't going to end happy. The weather had gotten worse and night had fallen without any word of Yamato. _Where could he be?_ she thought. She needed to call the others back before they got injured and into any further trouble but she knew there was no talking Kakashi and Iruka out of the search. Hell, there was going to be no talking any of the others back either. What was she to do? She had some of her most elite Shinobi's out there and Yamato was still nowhere to be found. She hoped it wasn't her worse fear; she had had a look at Yamato's file and was aware of his horrible past in addition to the current torture. She also felt a bond with him and he was the closest thing to kin for the DNA they shared. _Please let the walls hold, we can't lose him,_ she sighed looking out across the village from her window.

She heard him before she saw him. "Granny Tsunade, have you seen Sakura Chan? I can't seem to find her and Sai is gone too. He better not have said anything to get beaten up again, I swear he just likes getting beaten up so she can heal him" Naruto went on, unaware of his teams situation. All the ones he loved and cared for where out there searching in the dark.

"Naruto" she mumbled, "Naruto" she said a bit sterner causing him to look at her, his face changing in concern. "Granny" he said in a low grumble reading her facial expression "what happened? Where are Sakura Chan and Sai?" She knew she had to tell him, he'd find out eventually from the rumour mill, so it was better she handled him now.

She took a deep breath sat down and sighed, "Naruto, we've lost track of Yamato. He seems to have had a break down and took off. There out there looking for him with Kakashi, Iruka and Gai. They've…they've been looking for over 8 hours now with no luck" she finished dropping her head. "The weathers not helping, the Ninken can't pick up his scent, he could be anywhere by now" she added in a low murmur.

Naruto gritted his teeth and turned fisting his hands "Why didn't you summon for me" Naruto growled in anger and frustration was clear on his face. "Naruto you're in no state to be out there, you're still recovering from the war and its dark! Naruto? NARUTO!" she shouted as he took off. "Shit, Genma, Raidou!" The Jounins teleported in immediately answering the Hokage's call. "I need you to keep an eye on Naruto. GO!"

Naruto didn't get far before they caught up with him. He was still recovering from the war after using so much of his chakra and strength that when the war ended he fell very far both mentally and physically. "Naruto-Kun, we know how you feel, but you're in no state to help" Genma grabbed Naruto by the arm. "Kakashi-san and Iruka are out there looking for him, they'll find him, and we can't have you out there getting injured too worrying everyone".

Naruto knew they were right but still he had to do something, he shrugged Genma off and carried on running with Genma and Raidou taking off alongside. "Naruto!" Raidou shouted seeing he wasn't slowing down any time soon. "Don't you think I KNOW?" Naruto shouted back finding it hard to keep a hold of his feelings and glad the rain had gotten heavier to cool him and hide the tears. "His in this state because he was protecting ME! If he wasn't protecting me, he wouldn't have been caught and he wouldn't have been tortured!" Naruto stopped and landed in a clearing. "There always protecting me, Kakashi Sensei, Iruka Sensei, Yamato Taichou…how can I sit back when it was my fault? I can't lose any more people" the last bit was said in a whisper through clenched teeth trying to hold back the emotion. Genma and Raidou looked on at the boy who was the hero of the five nations and felt pride and pity for him at the same time. Genma laid a hand on his shoulders and sighed "We'll find him but let's come up with a plan first so we can locate one of the search parties hmm?" Naruto contemplated Genma for a minute and smiled softly.

"Kage Bunshin" and two clones appeared to the Jounins surprise; they were expecting 100's to scour the forest but were relieved to see just two. The clones sat down and gathered natural energy and 10 minutes later Naruto was in Sage mode. "The Ninken can't sense Yamato Taichou because of the rain, but in Sage mode I can feel everyone's chakra" he explained. "Naruto…" Raidou started but knew there was no point finishing as the boy had made up his mind. He was amazed to see how the child had matured and grown. Naruto's body was taking longer to heal than usual as he'd been in Kyuubi mode throughout most of the war and it had taken its toll. But he had been resting for the last 5 months and Raidou hoped he was OK to be using such powerful techniques again. He found himself in constant awe of the child that had been written off so early on in his life. He watched the boy as he searched frantically for his team who believed and protected him, it was all the only family the child had and Raidou knew there was no stopping Naruto.

Naruto concentrated "Sai and Sakura-Chan at 9 O'clock. Iruka Sensei and Gai Sensei at 11 O'clock. Kaka Sensei at 12 O'clock and two Nin dogs at 1 and 2 O'clock. Taichou…Taichou" he was having trouble finding Yamato's chakra signature. Something strange caught his sense "There's a strange signature coming from this one location underground…I don't know what it is but… there's…there's someone there!" Naruto concentrated his chakra further at that one point and then recognised the faint signature "Yamato Taichou!" he creased his forehead and frowned "But…but there's something else there too…"


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:**** Once again I'm dealing with emotions here so please be aware of this. I just want to give Yamato a hug sometimes *sighs* **

**CHAPTER 8**

Raidou grabbed Naruto before he could take off. "Naruto, wait we can't rush in. Yamato's not…not himself" Raidou didn't want to explain any further about Yamato. "You and I will head there together, Genma you notify the others of Yamato's location with the other Naruto clones and meet us there. Be careful, Naruto lets go".

* * *

Kakashi felt Naruto's chakra and turned to see a clone approach him fast. "Kakashi Sensei we've found Yamato Taichou you're not too far from him but his underground" it hurriedly explained. Kakashi sighed with relief but knew it was just the beginning but they'd found him, "Lead the way Naruto, thank you" he and Pakkun made haste towards the location. Kakashi had an uneasy sensation but he just wanted Yamato back in his arms to love and hold with Iruka.

"Iruka Sensei, Gai Sensei" shouted the Naruto clone trying to get his attention. Iruka was focused on his task and could only think of Yamato, it took him a while to register the other chakra signature. "Naruto, what are you doing here?" "We've located Yamato Taichou, I've already told Kakashi sensei his on his way there". "Naruto…I…thank you, please, take me too him". Iruka was soaked to the bone, cold and tired searching all evening for his lover, this one piece of news that they'd located him warmed him up immediately and he felt his energy renew. He just wanted to take Yamato home, where he belonged with him and Kakashi.

Naruto and Raidou headed for the underground chamber and Raidou soon realised where they were going. He had heard the rumours but thought it had been destroyed. "Naruto, how much do you know about Yamato's pass?" Raidou asked stopping Naruto before they got any nearer to the location. "Do you know how he got the wood release technique?" Naruto looked at Raidou a little confused. "Yamato Taichou was one of Orochimaru's experiments. What's that got to do with us finding him?"

"I think where were heading was his hideout and where Yamato was found as a little boy. We need to be careful, the other chakra signature you felt could be anyone or anything… and we don't want to hurt Yamato" Raidou finished watching Naruto clench his fists and holding onto his emotions. "Got it" Naruto said through gritted teeth and they moved again.

Kakashi was the first to the location. "Kakashi…" Pakkun approached him with a piece of Yamato's shirt sleeve "there's blood but not too much". Kakashi couldn't wait any longer, he knew Yamato must have entered the chambers there was some more blood and fresh mud at its entrance. "This place, what is it?" Pakkun asked not liking the energy he was feeling. The Naruto clone filled in the bit of information Raidou had supplied and it all fell into place for Kakashi. "Yama…to" he whispered steadying himself as he felt the world spin. Pakkun immediately picked up Yamato's scent in one of the chambers and they rushed further in knowing he was close "Yamato..." Kakashi whispered again.

* * *

Yamato's head seared with pain he didn't know where he was any more or how long he had been out of it. He could finally make out the edge of the leering face in the darkness that surrounded him…_No. How could it be? Orochimaru?_ The Sanin was dead! He knew he was going mad. "_What's the matter lab rat?_" said the sneering voice again. Yamato was sweating even though he was cold, his arm was still bleeding and his heart was racing. He clenched his fists to feel the pain, somewhere inside of him there was still some life, he was still holding on, but how could this be real?

The Irony he thought. HE was a part of ANBU, the Shadows of the Shinobi system and now here he was being chased by a shadow, a nightmare from his past and he had let it devour him and spit him back out. Maybe I am crazy but I can't keep running away from this, driving the ones I love further away from me and causing them pain. "Kakashi…Iruka…" their names a whisper on his lips as he closed his eyes thinking of them. He thought he could feel them; does he embrace the happiness he once knew, should he live or just die? He was confused, he hurt all over but his heart ached the greatest for the two he wanted to hold. He breathed deep and slow and searched for the shadow of Orochimaru. He resolved to end whatever it was that was consuming him, whether it be Orochimaru, Madara, Tobi or Kabuto. He heard the hissing voice again sending shivers through his spine, "_You are mine, for my use, don't think you can fight me_" it sniggered and then it came for him fangs bearing. Yamato stood his ground and dodged determined to fight this thing, whether this was a mental or physical fight he wasn't sure, Orochimaru was dead, his remaining string of sense told him that but he fought it.

Kakashi heard the groan coming from ahead, "Yamato…" Kakashi and Pakkun said in unison increasing their pace. "Earth Flow Spears" shouted Yamato, spears appearing from the underground chamber walls piercing into the Naruto clone dispersing it as Kakashi and Pakkun dodged the spears in time. "Yamato-kun, where here to help, watch your moves boy" Pakkun barked. Kakashi took a look at his lover, he wasn't in this realm, his eyes were dilated and vacant. Yamato was fighting some unknown demon where Kakashi couldn't reach him. Yamato screamed grabbing his abdomen and sent a smothering binding technique at Pakkun capturing him. "Pakkun! You ok?" Kakashi noticed a fresh wound where Yamato was holding is abdomen. What had caused it?

"I'm fine, just stop him before he squeezes me" Pakkun replied suspended in mid-air his paws flaying bound by branches. "Yamato, Yama listen to me." Kakashi tried getting his voice through to his lover approaching him with caution. Yamato ducked avoiding his imaginary enemy and sent more earth flow spears through the chamber. "Tenzou!" Yamato froze, turned and formed a world of tree wall at the mouth of the chamber preventing Gai and Iruka from entering who had just arrived and Kakashi saw the shock on his other lovers face before they were engulfed in a wave of trees. Iruka, Gai! Are you both ok?" He heard explosions on the other side "IRUKA!" Silence.

Suddenly he heard rustling "We're fine babe, just get me Yamato back in one piece, please" the voice replied begging, rasp and broken. He let out the breath he was holding hearing Iruka and Gai were fine he set his focus back on Yamato who was still fighting, his arms sending tendrils in every direction. "Shit, I have to use it" he thought. As he activated his sharingan he saw a faint shadow of energy just beyond Yamato's reach, _what was that? _He saw it go for Yamato and slash his arm. He felt the ground below him shake and Yamato came at him with a water release tearing torrent. He dodged it in time and Yamato hit the wall. Kakashi grabbed Yamato's arm noticing the fresh wound and restrained him. Whatever this energy was it was causing Yamato damage. He had to stop it but first he had to get through to Yamato. "Yamato…Yamato, come back to me" he pleaded into Yamato's ear. "Whatever it is you're fighting, I can help but you need to come back to me, to Iruka". Yamato froze; he screamed in anguish, the howl going through Kakashi's blood.

Kakashi let go in shock as Yamato lashed out and Kakashi found himself caught in Yamato's Tree Binding Flourishing Burial Technique as the branches wrapped around him and tightened slowly leaving his head exposed. "Kakashi, Yamato!" he could hear Iruka's shout from the other side as they struggled to get through the forest.

Kakashi tried once more "Yamato, listen to me. Yamato I…I love you, Iruka loves you. We can fight this Yamato, come back to us. Please, come back to us…Yamato, please" Kakashi watched his lover fight his demons and felt the branches tighten.

"_This is it" _he thought, _I'd rather die in your arms then by your hands, but if this was how fate had intended it to be, then it would be. I can't save him Iruka, I'm no use to either of you, I'm sorry._ He felt the branches tighten again and drag him slowly into the ground. He had given up hope, he didn't want to live without Yamato, he couldn't live without Yamato or Iruka. He gazed at Yamato's deep black vacant eyes, anticipating the burial remembering the same eyes that used to look up at him and glimmer when they were kids in ANBU. The same soft eyes that were so full of love and care. The eyes that melted his heart and brightened his world with a just a single look. He couldn't look at them anymore; he wanted his last memories of his lover to be happy memories and closed his own eyes resigning himself to fate.


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER 9**

He heard an ear splitting squeak and felt wood chips hit his face. "Big Ball Rasengan" came the shout. Kakashi opened his eyes to see Naruto storm into the chamber followed by Iruka, Gai, Sai Sakura, Genma, Raidou and the rest of the Ninken. The boy had good timing as always. "Kakashi! Oi Kakashi! Why are you just gawping? get yourself out of there!" Gai shouted loud as ever. Naruto hit the burial wall with another Rasengan, Gai followed with a few leaf great flash kicks where the Rasengan had cracked the branches. Meanwhile Genma and Raidou kept Yamato busy releasing his concentration from the technique so Kakashi could be freed. Kakashi coughed, finally being able to breathe easily and splattered blood across the floor. Gai and Naruto continued to destroy the burial wall. Iruka ran to him supporting his weight with Gai's help.

They all stood staring at Yamato who had retreated to the far wall of the chamber. He was still fighting the unseen enemy. Kakashi caught his breath "There is some sort of chakra here and that's what Yamato's fighting. This energy has the ability to wound Yamato; I don't know what it is, keep your guard up. He… he can't tell friend from foe, he can't seem to see us but does sense us and directs attacks at us" Kakashi explained. Kakashi looked at Iruka and his breath caught "I tried talking to him, but…" he shook his head and lowered his gaze remembering the cry that was still curdling his blood.

Yamato continued to fight whatever this thing was oblivious to his lovers' presence. "Your dead, why is it you can still hurt me?" Yamato growled. The leering face laughed "_I am what you make me Tenzou; I need you to finish what I couldn't. You will be mine; I will have your body. Your mind. Your soul. For my use". _

As the other shinobi's stood contemplating how to capture and restrain Yamato without hurting him, they felt the walls tremor and spears appear at them in all direction. They all managed to avoid them but found themselves cornered into one part of the chamber. Yamato was an elite and trusted Shinobi for a reason and this showed why. But before Yamato could finish his hand signs, Sai sent ink snakes at Yamato while Naruto ran at him to distract him and Sakura sent a tremor through the ground unbalancing their Taichou. Yamato jumped dodging Naruto's punch and the shattered ground with Sai's snake but he didn't see the ink beast and the Naruto clone from above that both caught him in a grip throwing him back to the ground in the restricted chamber. The snakes run up Yamato's legs binding his hands and feet. "Iruka Sensei, use your binding technique!" Naruto shouted whilst Sai used one of his owns. Everything happened so fast, the rest of the Jounins just looked on in surprise admiring the kids' team work. The next generation were a power to reckon with.

Iruka ran to Yamato weary that his lover wasn't himself and formed a binding seal to keep him where he was. Iruka approached Yamato cautiously "Yamato…its Iruka. No one's going to hurt you, we just want to help" he spoke soothingly and gently laid a hand on Yamato's cheek. Yamato screamed like Iruka had burnt him and threw his head back releasing the animalistic cry that had shaken both Sakura and Gai and now everyone else in the chamber. Sakura run to him trying to check him for injuries whilst he thrashed about. "Sai, Naruto hold him down, his going to hurt himself if he carries on. Iruka Sensei..." she laid a hand on Iruka's arm to wake him from his stunned state. "I'll bring him back" she said with a determined look moving him aside. Sakura checked him for internal bleeding; he was OK other than a few bruised ribs and a few deep but not dangerous wounds on his arm, face and a few more on his body. But it was his head that bothered her. There was unbalanced chakra flow to it and she didn't know how to correct it. The more she tried the worse the thrashing and cries of anguish got.

Yamato felt restrained, he fought whatever it was that was holding him down. "I will not do your bidding! You have made my life miserable since my earliest memories; you have destroyed me BUT I WILL NOT LET YOU DESTROY KONOHA OR ANYMORE LIVES!"

"_Why do you fight me?"_ the face sneered drawing ever closer to Yamato. "_Not so long ago you were more than willing to give up, why do you fight me now? You can't win, you bought me here, and made me what I am"_ it laughed. "_You will do my bidding, your weak and you know it"_ it continued to laugh_._

"You said yourself; I had a stronger will to survive. Before the path was lost for me in every direction I turned, I was enveloped by darkness. They'll stop me, Kakashi will stop me, if not I'll kill myself before you can totally take over my body" Yamato shouted back.

Naruto and Sai were struggling to hold Yamato down even with Bull sitting on top of him, he continued thrashing and screaming something incomprehensible. Kakashi still had his sharingan active and noticed the energy hovering nearby and began activating his Mangekyo sharingan.

Yamato thought he could feel Kakashi and Iruka near him and smiled. I have to live for them if not for myself he thought. _I want to watch them grow old, watch Kakashi's back on missions and protect Iruka from his recurring nightmares. My charges, they'll soon outgrow me but I want to see them grow. _

"Your dead, you don't exist, I will not let you rule me!" Yamato was now determined to rid himself of this nuisance whatever it maybe. "Arrrggggg" he shouted

Yamato from nowhere managed to shoot out a chakra infused tendril towards the back of the chamber pinning the energy to the wall at the same time Kakashi sent it to a different dimension activating his Mangekyo sharingan. Yamato's incoherent screaming eased but he was panting hard and still thrashing against his captives. Sakura glanced at her Sensei's, Kakashi's expression was unreadable but Iruka looked like he would shatter any minute watching their lover and she knew Kakashi must be feeling the same inside. Sakura couldn't take this anymore; it was her fault he had gotten in this state trying to save her. Glancing back once more at her Sensei's she punched her Taichou in the face hard enough to bruise and knock the wind out of him, but not hard enough to cause damage.

Yamato's movement stilled. The whole chamber became silent as they all stared at Sakura in shock. Iruka grabbed Yamato's head pulling him to his chest and Kakashi stumbled to Yamato's side panting hard. "Sakura! What is wrong with you" Iruka growled. "You're supposed to treat him! I don't approve of your medical ways. Was that really necessary?" Iruka ranted at her frustrated and misdirecting his anger. Kakashi laid a hand on Iruka's shoulder and squeezed to keep him calm "Iruka" he gently spoke catching his eyes. Iruka looked at his former student who was cold and tired and just as worried about her Taichou as he was. "Sorry, Sakura" Iruka sighed feeling guilty as the pools gathered in Sakura's eyes. "I don't like seeing him hurt" he gave her a soft smile "Forgive me". Sakura reddened "Sorry, Sorry…I didn't know what else to do. It usually works on Naruto" she replied nervously.

Yamato heard murmurs above his head. His whole body ached, the pain in his head was now worse. His eyes felt like lead weights and he struggled to open them. "Ka…Kashi? Iruka?" he asked not believing his vision. "Yamato" Iruka and Kakashi responded in unison looking down at him with hope. "Ooo" he groaned "wha…what happened". Three more faces appeared in his vision looking down at him with anxious expressions. He saw Naruto's mouth move but didn't hear anything as he fell back into the darkness.

"We need to get him back to Tsunade Sama. There's an imbalance in his brain and I don't know how to fix it Kaka Sensei" Sakura looked at him apologetically. She then examined his injuries which were many and great and took off the cloak he had wrapped around her, he needed it more now. "Kaka Sensei, I need to stop your bleeding lie down now" there was urgency in her voice which alerted Iruka. He looked at Kakashi to find his face pale and eyes blood shot red. He had just gotten back one lover and was now on the verge of seeing another's life in danger. Iruka cupped Kakashi's face stroking his fingers along the pale cheek "Kakashi, do as she says babe, I've got Yamato in my arms now, he'll be ok".

Sakura was weak but she needed to stem the bleeding so Kakashi could breathe easier. The burial technique had cracked and bruised many of Kakashi's ribs and damaged his muscles and his left arm was broken in two places. She worked on him fast repairing the hairline cracks to the ribs and reattaching damaged tendons. She felt her chakra drain further but she needed to do this to make up for her failure. Kakashi found he could breathe much easier and opened his eyes to see the strain on Sakura's face. "Sakura, I feel much better. Heal yourself with the rest of your chakra, I'll be OK" he told her crinkling his eyes smiling at his student, his words getting caught in his breath. "I'm fine sensei, I… just your arm to heal, I need to set it with a splint" and she carried on working as Kakashi looked at her "Sakura…" he felt the tears on his arms but he knew there was no stopping his stubborn student. When she had finished she sat back on her heels wheezing, she felt drained and was finally touched by the cold seeping in from her wet clothes causing her to shiver and her body to sway. Sai grabbed her before her body hit the ground from physical and chakra exhaustion. "Sakura-Chan" Naruto cried in alarm and run to help Sai lay her down, taking of his cloak to wrap her shaking body.

"Let's make a move back to the village. Kakashi, are you going to be OK?" Raidou asked looking Kakashi over and checking on Sakura, lifting the unconscious medical-nin into his arms gently. "I'll carry him back, don't worry" Gai beamed before Kakashi could say anything. Kakashi smiled at him nervously "Ahh…Thanks Gai but I wouldn't want to trouble you any further. How is Sakura?" he asked always thinking of his charges first. "She'll be OK, fever and chakra exhaustion mainly" Raidou replied looking at the Shinobi in his arms, hoping she'd be OK mentally.

"Don't worry rival, Yamato and Sakura are still in the prime of their youth, as am I!" Gai beamed back with a nice guy pose. Iruka found himself laughing; the tension of the day was finally easing. Genma approached Iruka to take Yamato but was stopped by him. "Ah thank you, but if it's OK with you, I'd like to carry him back. I just…" Genma smiled as he wrapped Yamato in his cloak "It's OK, I understand. Let me know if you need a hand". They all headed back to the village, the rain still falling but they didn't notice it, they had Yamato back.

* * *

Thank you for reading & hope your enjoying it...


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:**  
Happy Birthday YAMATAO!

Apologies for the delay in updating, just been busy and have started writing other fics. But had to get something out for Yamato's birthday. By sheer fluke this story also started to overlap with the manga when I came to writing about Orochimaru. So potential spoilers alert in the next few chapters but not really my fault as I don't know how the manga will progress.

ALSO I'd like to thank you all for reading especially **Rosebunse** who has been bouncing ideas with me and encouraging me with her reviews. Appreciate it! Hope you enjoy the chapter :D

* * *

**CHAPTER 10 **

Yamato awoke to a familiar speckled white ceiling. He was in the hospital again, he sighed. Least his head felt lighter and the pain had eased. "_Sakura..."_ he thought remembering the collapse of the walk way and struggled to sit up. "Hey, hey…Yamato, it's OK." Iruka's soothing voice came as he looked down at Yamato with concern aiding him to sit up and then held him tightly. "Iruka…Sakura, is she OK? The walk way..." Yamato started a little panicked.

"She's fine; you pushed her out of harm's way. Am sure she'll be in to thank you soon" Iruka smiled comforting him. "She's got a bit of a fever at the moment but she's fine. How are you feeling?"

Yamato sensed the worry in Iruka's voice "I'm fine, I'm glad she's OK" he sighed. "Was anyone else injured?" Iruka shook his head. He noticed Iruka's arm was bandaged and there was someone else in the room behind Iruka.

"Wha…What happened Ruka, your arm?" he peered over his shoulder to look at the person in the next bed and saw unruly grey hair poking out. "Ka…Kashi? What happened?" Iruka and Kakashi shared a look; Yamato seemed to be OK but hadn't said anything about the cave. How much did he remember?

"Ahhh…chakra exhaustion" Kakashi replied uneasily.

"How?" Yamato asked.

"Well… you see on the way to picking you up I bumped into an old women…who lost her…".

"Arg" Yamato growled irritated at having to hear another of Kakashi's pitiful stories. "Let me guess her cat was stuck up a tree" Yamato interrupted frowning at Kakashi.

"No actually it was her cow and it got stuck between a fence, when I went to free it, it bucked and well Ruka came to help and…" Kakashi continued with his pathetic excuse as Yamato rolled his eyes not believing a word. He looked at Iruka for clarification and was greeted by a shake of the head. Iruka laughed at the two and saw Yamato gaze at him

"Erm… don't worry babe, we'll fill you in later. It's so good to have you back" Iruka answered smiling with tear filled eyes looking first at Yamato then Kakashi. Yamato was still worried, he glanced at Kakashi not being able to see all of his body as it was covered, but he was shocked at how beaten up Kakashi was. "Who did this to you Kashi? It's not like you…" he asked anger and concern in his voice before he was once again interrupted "We'll explain everything to you, but all in good time, OK?" Kakashi responded not letting the subject progress any further. "But now, you need your rest and so do I" he yawned closing his eyes before Yamato could protest Iruka had found pressure points in his neck sending him to sleep.

"Remind me not to argue with you" Kakashi nervously slid back on his pillow forgetting how powerful his partners were when they chose to be.

* * *

It was late afternoon when Yamato finally stirred feeling clammy and panicky. Some of the events of the previous day had come back to him and he had a bad feeling he was the cause of Kakashi's injuries. He sat up a bit too fast his world spinning and saw the worry on Iruka's face as he stood to help. "I'm fine, Ruka, don't...don't touch me right now please" he pleaded. "I have to do this".

He stumbled over to Kakashi's bed and pulled off the blanket and pulled apart his Yukata causing Kakashi to wince in pain and shock. "Yamato" both Iruka and Kakashi said in unison as Kakashi's battered and bruised body was exposed to the cold air. Yamato was in shock as he saw the purple markings wrapped around Kakashi's body knowing full well what had caused them. He then looked at Iruka's bandaged arm. "Yamato, what are you doing?" Iruka asked startled as he fought to keep Yamato from taking his shirt off. "Take it off!" Yamato said in a low growl, "Just take the shirt off Iruka! Let me see you!"

Iruka complied a little shaken. Kakashi muttered that he wasn't quiet up for love making at the minute, could Yamato wait a day when he had some energy back? Yamato glared at Kakashi "Kakashi, don't make light of the situation" he growled angrily. "Why didn't you stop me?" His frustration was growing "Why didn't you stop me damn it!" he screamed at the two as tears welled in his eyes. "Yamato..." Iruka soothed taking his hand into his, recognising the situation could get ugly. "Don't make it worse Ruka" Yamato couldn't look at their damaged bodies anymore and hung his head low. "Yamato, listen to me babe please" he lifted Yamato's hand to his face kissing it, "where fine babe."

"But I hurt you! Both of you, I tried to bury him alive Ruka! I tried to bury him alive..." The last bit was said with a whisper as Yamato felt his knees weaken with the shock of what he had nearly done hit home. "How many people did I hurt?" he asked looking at Iruka. Iruka saw the swirl of realisation and anguish in Yamato's eyes. He saw Yamato sway so stepped in wrapping his arms around him before he could protest and sweeped him of his feet laying him next to Kakashi.

"Yamato, it wasn't me you were fighting. There was something, someone else there" Kakashi gave Yamato a pointed stare keeping him focussed on the conversation and out of his own head. Yamato blinked and looked at him in surprise "Orochimaru...it was Orochimaru" he looked at them hoping they believed him and he wasn't crazy. "I...I wasn't sure whether it was all in my head or not. Orochimaru's dead but when the shadow devoured me...I...I" he didn't want to explain any further and shivered remembering the moment. Both Iruka and Kakashi took his hands squeezing for reassurance. Iruka pulled the blanket back over Kakashi and covered Yamato too tucking them both in. "Yamato I know you don't want to talk about it, but you have to report it to Tsunade-Sama when you're ready, can you do that? Kakashi asked. Yamato nodded understanding the importance of the situation but he wasn't ready to think about that yet, he had nearly killed his lover and his body quivered at the thought. Kakashi felt him shiver and painfully moved his arm to hold Yamato to him.

"How many people did I hurt?" he asked again. He looked at the body in front of him "Kakashi" Yamato whispered shaking himself out of the daze, seeing the bruise around Kakashi's neck up close made it worse, his heart ached. "Kakashi..." He said through gritted teeth fisting his hands in Kakashi's Yukata the anger and emotion taking over "How many?"

Kakashi sighed "Just us two...and you may have bruised Sakura and Gai a little too". He shook his head not believing what he was hearing "Gai Sempai, Sakura are...are they OK" he asked not wanting to hear the answer. "There fine I told you, Sakura has a fever but she'll be in to see you soon and am sure Gai-San will too" Iruka assured him. "Why? Why didn't you stop me damn it! I hurt so many people! I could have killed you!"

"But you didn't" Kakashi laid his hand on Yamato's face wiping away the tears.

"You didn't even try did you…, why didn't you try? Why? Answer me Kakashi Damn IT!" he asked the anger rising. Iruka looked on, he wanted to know too but had a feeling he knew the answer already.

"Yamato, I love you…" Kakashi replied sighing and looking at him trying to calm him "I couldn't hurt you".

"That's not an answer damn it! We always said if it came to it you'd stop me and I would stop you when we lost our minds to the enemy. You didn't keep your end of the promise...and...and now look at you, look at Iruka" Yamato was getting more and more frantic with the knowledge he was the cause of their injuries and the tears kept coming blurring his vision.

Iruka rubbed the back of Yamato's neck trying to soothe him and wiped away the tears with his other hand. "Yamato...Yamato answer me this" Kakashi raised his chin to make eye contact. "Would you really have hurt me if you were in my situation?" he asked "either of you?" he looked at Iruka knowing he was upset about this too and was glad to see him shake his head in reply. "Yamato, I gave you my heart... and I am more than willing to give my life for you, both of you" he sighed looking fist at one and then his other lover. "Can we forget about this? Hmmm? It's going to take a while but I will get better" he smiled at them.

Yamato sniffed letting go of Kakashi's Yukata and stroked the silver hair out of his face. "I'm sorry…I Love you too but I can't forgive myself for the state of your body Kashi or your shoulder Ruka" he squeezed back on Iruka's hand that was resting on his own shoulder. "You should've stopped me" he still complained and let out a sigh hitting Kakashi's chest a little hard with his fist causing him to wince in pain. "AHHH" Yamato shouted in frustration seeing Kakashi squirm in pain. "Sorry! Am so Sorry! Why do you put up with me when I'm always hurting you" Yamato looked crestfallen "I just make things worse, I'll get a medic, can you move, how is the pain?" Yamato said flustered trying to get out of bed without hurting Kakashi again, still feeling guilty seeing his beautifully sculpted body grazed and bruised and his left arm bandaged in a splint.

"Yama I'm fine, really" Kakashi smirked watching his usually stoic lover flay all over the place. He loved the fact they got to see this vulnerable and lumbering side of Yamato in private. "In answer to your questions; No don't get a medic, I can move but it's better when I don't move" he reached out to stroke Yamato's pale cheek "You've done nothing but bring me happiness Yamato and lastly the pain is much better when you're both nearby kissing me" he smiled crinkling his one eye and pulling Yamato back to bed. Iruka smiled back and Yamato pouted further but leaned down to kiss Kakashi taking the hint and lay back down gently so not to disturb Kakashi. Iruka leaned over to take each of their lips in turn for a thorough kiss showing them how much they meant to him. He pulled back from Yamato's lips when he heard a stomach grumble and smirked, "I'll see if I can get you both some food and then I want you to rest, the quicker you both get better the quicker I can take you home". Iruka looked at the two in bed; he had them both again and let out the breath he didn't know he was holding as he left to get some food. He heard a whisper behind him "his got a sexy ass hasn't he?" Iruka turned to see Yamato blushing and nodding in agreement. Iruka winked at them laughing and left his lovers, they still had a lot to deal with but at least things were finally looking up.


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER 11**

The stay in the hospital passed relatively peacefully. Yamato and Kakashi had a few visitors stop by from Sakura, Sai and Naruto to Genma, Raidou and Gai. Yamato apologised profoundly to his Sempai about injuring him only to be greeted by a nice guy pose complete with the sunset background causing Yamato to suffer from a headache due to his current sensitive eyes. "Don't worry Yamato-Kun; your youth is no much for mine! Unlike Kakashi I am still in my springtime of youth! Rival you must hurry and get better our next challenge is due soon!" Kakashi groaned at his boisterous friend but was glad to see him OK. He knew Gai would come for him whether he was well or not to challenge him, secretly he quiet enjoyed them but he wasn't going to let on.

Gai cupped Yamato's shoulders "I'm glad your OK Yamato-Kun, it's good to have you back. Rival, I will see you at the training ground! Iruka Sensei, Yamato-Kun take care and make sure his there on time!" Gai shouted back as he left the room bouncing on his hands. The three looked on amused and speechless at the green spandexed beast who they'd all come to love and respect.

They heard the clicking sounds of heel in the hall way and an angry looking Tsunade entered the room slamming the door with an even angrier Shizune on her tail. "Shizune, if you won't let me drink you won't get your paper work on time now leave me alone!" She sighed turning to Kakashi and Yamato "But Tsunade Sama…" Shizune got a growl in response as she stomped passed her subordinate to Yamato. "Yamato, how are you feeling? "She asked checking his vitals with gentle yet rough movements frowning.

"Better thank you Tsunade-Sama" he replied nervously.

"Hmmm. Good". She stood beside him arms crossed over her chest "I'm sorry to do this. I was hoping it could wait till you were both recovered. Kakashi, Yamato, Iruka I need your report. I need to know what happened and what you saw, what you felt Yamato" she looked at him to gage his expression to the news. Yamato had resigned himself to the fact that he would have to talk about this one day but he still wasn't prepared for it. He'd told Kakashi and Iruka basics but didn't tell them about the full extent of the conversation he had had with whatever it was. He looked at Kakashi, to see the man's body tense a little but he sat not looking at anything particular composed as ever. Iruka clasped a hand and looked at him encouragingly.

Yamato began "I don't know if I was imaging it or not, but the face it had...it was Orochimaru's. When it came at me it felt real, Kakashi tells me it wounded me and the fact Naruto and he felt its presence tells me it had to have been real, but... Orochimaru...his dead isn't he?" Yamato looked on questioningly at Tsunade.

Tsunade wasn't sure herself what was going on but keeping them in the dark was worse. "Kakashi, you said you sent the chakra into a different dimension using your sharingan after Yamato hit it with a chakra fused tendril". Kakashi nodded in agreement. Tsunade continued "I've had Raidou and a few ANBU investigate the lab. After gathering as much information as we can about Orochimaru's work, we will be destroying it for good this time. I don't know why it wasn't destroyed earlier. But...Raidou yesterday came across a snake which attacked one of the ANBU's who we have unfortunately lost" she paused getting to grips with the loss of life. "The problem Yamato, Kakashi is that Raidou said he'd felt the same chakra signature the day he saved you. But Kakashi, you didn't see a snake did you?" Kakashi looked at her "it was just a swirl of energy Tsunade Sama, I felt its presence but could only see it with my sharingan but it didn't resemble anything."

Yamato was shaking, what were they saying?! "Tsunade Sama, how can it be?" Yamato was finding it hard to control his fear. "He…he said it was my doing, that I was the one that created it, created him! His not real! His dead!" Iruka placed a hand on the small of Yamato's back trying to offer comfort.

"Yamato…" Kakashi called out to him. "Kakashi his dead, in my head it had Orochimaru's face but you and Naruto only saw the remnants of a chakra signature, it can't be Kakashi!"

Tsunade couldn't believe this. How was it possible that Orochimaru had managed to transfer a part of his chakra into a snake, when he was dead?

She didn't want to do this but she needed Kakashi to go investigate. "Kakashi, as soon as you've recovered your chakra I want you to go back out there to join Raidou and Genma. I need you to go confirm – ".

"Let me go Tsunade-Sama" Yamato interrupted. "It's my doing, so I'll go". Tsunade sighed, "Yamato it's not that I don't think you can, I don't think you're ready, your injuries – "

"I need to do this Tsunade Sama" he interrupted again. "I have to fight it and know once for all he can't hurt me, hurt US" he looked at Kakashi and Iruka trying to make them understand, he knew Kakashi would try to stop him from going. Tsunade looked at him knowing this good either make or break Yamato. "Kakashi, what do you think?" she asked her elite Shinobi knowing he would make the right judgement even if it was concerning his lover, duty always took precedent over the heart, it was the sad fact of their life. Kakashi felt his chest constrict and fisted his hands, he took a deep breath and answered "Tsunade Sama, I think Yamato needs to do but only if his medically fit. We will join Raidou at the location and investigate the situation". Kakashi looked at Yamato, Iruka's facial expression said he did not like this, Kakashi shook his head at having to face the angry Chunin, he was going to feel the bulk of his anger and he would take it for both his lovers' sake.

"Good, Yamato, Kakashi you have 10 days to recover and join the recon team" she said walking away when she suddenly stopped "I know you heard it all and you're not going she spoke to the room".

"I'm going!" said a voice from the window ledge "I won't let him harm anyone else I care for".


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: **Another Chapter, more angst. but were drawing towards the end now. Few more chapters and i think i can finally deal with Yamato's depression**  
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Please Review and let me know what you think. Enjoy!

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**Chapter 12**

"_Good, Yamato, Kakashi you have 10 days to recover and join the recon team" she said walking away when she suddenly stopped "I know you heard it all and you're not going!" she spoke to the room. _

"_I'm going!" said a voice from the window ledge "I won't let him harm anyone else I care for". _

The figure stepped out the shadow and growled at the Hokage's back "you have to let me go granny Tsunade, I can't sit here and watch him harm anymore people. I know how you feel" Tsunade sighed at hearing this it still hurt, her losing both her best friends, one to darkness the other to light to save the village. If anyone knew how she felt it would be Naruto. "I know that if we can't bring them back we have to stop them. So please let me go, let me stop him for _you_, for Sasuke, for Yamato Taichou!" Naruto pleaded.

"I can't let you go Naruto! Why will you never listen?! If you hadn't gone off to find Yamato we could have considered this but the elders won't have it anymore! If you leave through those gates this time I can't guarantee that I can protect you!" Tsunade shouted back in anger pinching the bridge of her nose. There was no dealing with this child, even after winning the war for the five nations; he was still that, a child.

"You can't stop me granny Tsunade!" Naruto retaliated. "Naruto why do you never understand, you think-" "NARUTO!" an angry Tsunade was interrupted by Yamato causing them all to look at him. "Naruto, I know you mean well but this is something I have to do on my own" he looked at him smiling sadly.

"But Taichou - " the boy protested but was interrupted by a hand on his shoulder, he looked up to see Iruka smiling down at him shaking his head "No Naruto". Naruto stormed off before any of them good do anything else causing Tsunade call the guards abruptly to follow him. Naruto was in a vulnerable state and they knew he was still struggling with the aftermath of the war as they all were. "Don't let him leave the village" she barked at them.

-oOo-

Yamato sighed he couldn't believe what he had just been told he looked up to see two pair of hurt filled eyes looking at him. He could see the pain in Iruka's eyes and knew how much he hated being left behind waiting for them, but he had to do this. He smiled softly at them "You know when I was being attacked…or well… when I thought I was being attacked by Orochimaru I saw both your faces flash before my eyes. Before both of you…I kind of knew the wall the third Hokage built to hide those memories were cracking. I'd have nightmares that made no sense, I couldn't remember them, but when I was in both your arms I had less of them" he glanced up to see Kakashi look over at him tenderly and felt Iruka's arms tighten around him further. They all had nightmares to deal with but these had been lessened when they were all together.

This was the first time Yamato had openly spoken about the incidents that had occurred in his early life and they didn't want to do anything to hinder the moment. They needed to know what Yamato was feeling but they would never push him. Kakashi was well aware of what Orochimaru had done to Yamato, he'd seen the files and it boiled his blood but he kept his calm demeanour in place all the same.

"If I'm honest, I knew it was there. Sometimes I'd look in the mirror and I could see there was a story in my eyes so I asked the Third Hokage what he had done. He gave me basics and told me it was for the best that I didn't know" Yamato sighed, his shoulder slumped as the weight of his memories bore down on him. "When I saw the face amongst the mist the first time, even though I didn't want to, I think I did recognise it. I didn't want to admit it but I knew who it was. It was easier to lie to myself, to you both, to the counsellor, to Tsunade Sama" he looked at them apologetically. "I didn't think anyone would believe me and I wasn't so sure myself. I was under Tobi's genjutsu for so long I didn't know what was real. Whether both of you were real?! Fate has never been kind to me so to think I had you both…it had to be a dream. Why would you both want me?" Yamato laughed nervously watching the other two smile back at him softly still saying nothing. "Yamato…" Iruka whispered tightening his arms around him further caressing the head to his chest.

Yamato had started now to explain what he'd experienced and he felt he owed it to them, so continued not letting Iruka go on further. "The last 5 months, I just got used to having this shadow follow me. I tried to fight it but it was easier to just plunge into the emptiness and to smile instead of cry. I just wanted to be empty, to feel nothing, and just be hollow so I could find some peace somewhere. But then you both wouldn't give up on me, doing all those things for me that no one has ever done, like leaving roasted walnuts near my pillow in case I fancied a snack in the night" he looked over at Kakashi and smiled. "Sharpening my whittling knife" he looked up at Iruka to meet his eyes "and just giving me my space when I asked for it and not pushing me. I wanted to give back to you both I really did, I just…I just couldn't break this chain of pain, every time I thought I was getting better it would engulf me, this darkness". He looked at them both trying to make them understand; he removed Iruka's arms from around him and sat up to view him better. "That's why I couldn't believe you both would want me, would stay with me for that length of time". He took a deep breath and continued "I didn't know if I was getting better or if I had just gotten used to the pain. And when that thing attacked me I just gave up" he shrugged his shoulders and looked at them apologetically.

"I was ready to accept my destiny and leave but then I heard your voices, I felt both your presence. Kakashi…I thought I felt your breath and then…he came at me, Orochimaru came at me. I buried him, well I thought I buried him" his eyes traced a path over Kakashi's healing body with sorrow. "I asked him why me? And he laughed, it wasn't because I was special, I didn't ever think I was. He said I was just one of many lost children. The only thing different was I had a stronger will to survive which pulled me through his experiments" he paused taking in the other two's reaction. They hadn't said anything since he started just looked at him longingly. "So when I thought I heard you, I had to survive to find out if you both were really mine, I couldn't let him rule me" he gazed from one to the other. They both looked back at him tenderly, their eyes displaying emotions his mind could never comprehend and he knew they were real, that they were really his.

"Yamato…" Iruka whispered swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat. He was glad Yamato had finally opened up and pleased to have him back fighting. Kakashi was having a similar problem and swallowed too, his throat dry from emotion. Kakashi sat up and stumbled out of bed to Yamato, he had to hold him to find out himself that this was indeed real. He found it hard to believe sometimes too and thanked whoever it was that put this beautiful genjutsu on him.

Yamato steadied Kakashi as he approached and pulled him to his chest; he leaned back into Iruka's arms and put his hand through Iruka's hair pulling him closer over his shoulder for a kiss. "I'm sorry for putting you both through this, I really am. But I can't do this alone". He felt gentle lips on his neck from behind and the brush of kisses on his chest from the head he was cradling. He run his hand up Kakashi's spine gently massaging his back "I'm sorry for the hurt I've caused you both. I'm sorry for the state of your body Kakashi, I will make it up to you, I promise".

"Yamato, don't apologise please" he heard the muffled voice in his chest. Kakashi looked up at him and exhaled he had to tell him, he could see the guilt and pain in Yamato's eyes. Yamato had opened up and been honest with them it was only fair he should too. "It's my fault…really. I was there Yamato in the cave; I called out to you but couldn't get through to you. I had you in my arms and I still couldn't touch you. When...when I thought I couldn't reach you anymore...I...I didn't know what to do and just...I guess I just let it happen. I didn't want to hurt you but I didn't want to live without you either Yamato...I've failed you both one too many times and well I...I would rather die by your hands than anyone else's" Kakashi finished. He looked over at Iruka and couldn't read the emotion in his face it was a mixture of anger and affection. He reached out for Iruka but was shrugged away subtly as Iruka held Yamato tighter and nuzzled his neck. Kakashi sighed, he knew he'd upset Iruka, when he did manage to catch his eyes he saw hurt in them.

Yamato pulled him back to his chest and whispered sorry again between kisses. "We'll be OK, right?" Kakashi asked still looking at Iruka. Yamato captured his lips in answer and Iruka still said nothing. Yamato then turned to kiss Iruka caressing his cheek "I'm sorry Ruka" he whispered resting his forehead against Iruka's. Iruka smiled back kissing Yamato on the nose "We'll be fine, none of this is your fault Yamato. A lesser man would have broken down after everything you've had to deal with. I'm sorry about Orochimaru; I wish I could have helped. I'm sorry about Kabuto and Tobi too. I'm sorry we weren't there to protect you. I'm…" Yamato cut him off with a kiss. Iruka looked down at Kakashi and saw the unease in the usually passive face and sighed, "You've never failed me Kashi, either of us, but I wish you would stop trying to protect us with your body. I don't want to lose you, either of you…I can't go on without you both" Iruka reached for Kakashi caressing his cheek. "I need you both, whole". Kakashi leaned into his hand taking the comfort for what it was and gently kissed it.

Yamato looked at them, "I can't do this without you both, I need you too" Yamato repeated and the three lay feeling the echoes of one another's heartbeat as they held on, the strain of the last 5 months slowly lifting.

"We will come back Ruka, I promise you that" Kakashi told him.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:**So i felt a bit bad for leaving Naruto out when i had covered Sakura's and Sai's way of dealing with this. So heres Naruto and Yamato. More Angst. Next chapter will see Yamato finally facing his demons :D

**Chapter 13**

It had now been 8 days since Tsunade Sama's news about Orochimaru. Iruka had been forced to resume his post at the academy; he had been neglecting his students long enough. Naruto was still hounding them to be allowed to join the mission. There was no getting through to him, they just couldn't take him it was too risky not only for him but the peace of the 5 nations.

Yamato and Kakashi were taken in to the examination room and poked and prodded. Yamato went first; he knew how much Kakashi hated hospitals and medics and completed the task without complaining and with indifference. When it came to Kakashi the medic didn't appreciate his wise cracks and poked and prodded him harder causing Yamato to laugh. Yamato was mending well and a few more days of rest would be enough to give him the all clear. Kakashi too was looking well and required the cast on his arm to be taken off; whilst this was happening Yamato went for a rare walk alone. He knew Kakashi and Iruka were apprehensive about him so he didn't push them, but he needed to think over what Tsunade had said about Orochimaru and headed for the hospital roof were he would find some solace to think. He didn't want it to be true, it couldn't be, and if it was true then it was somehow his fault. He had bought him back, Orochimaru had said so. As he was pondering his thoughts, he noticed a lone figure in the shadows near one of the water tanks. "Naruto". The blonde looked up; there were tears in the corner of his eyes that had been harshly brushed away on hearing his name. Yamato smiled at him knowingly, this was where Sasuke and Naruto had once fought and Yamato finally realised why Naruto was so insistent.

"Taichou, shouldn't you be resting?" the boy asked sounding down trodden. Yamato sat down beside him wrapping the hospital Yukata around him tightly. "I've been doing nothing but resting. So what brings you up here Naruto?" Naruto shrugged, they both sat watching the trees sway in the wind and people entering and leaving the hospital below. Finally Naruto spoke "Yamato Taichou, please let me come with you".

Yamato took a side long glance at his subordinate and took a deep breath "Naruto, it's not that I don't want you to come with me. I have to do this on my own and I thought you would understand" he sighed trying to find a way of explaining it to Naruto so he would understand. "Remember how you had to talk to Nagato by yourself? Well this is something I have to do. I don't want to take Kakashi either but I owe it to him".

"This isn't the same Taichou! He hurt you because they were after me, so it affects me too. You wouldn't be like this if you hadn't tried to protect me. You're all always getting hurt trying to look out for me. Let me do this for you. I couldn't save Sasuke Taichou, please let me save you from him!" Naruto eyes started to gather pools of water again.

"Naruto, I don't know how much you know about my childhood; I had no notion of who I was or how I had come to be. He took all that away from me for some sick experiment he had in mind. I won't say I understand what you're going through when I myself don't understand what I feel. But, you know that with great power comes great responsibility. We can't just let you go out there fighting everyone's battles; there are still people who want to hurt you". Even though the boy had saved the 5 nations, there were many that still feared him, hated him for the fox that was inside and would hurt him. "But I do appreciate what you want to do Naruto" he genuinely smiled down at the boy putting his arm around his shoulders.

"Yamato Taichou" Naruto took a deep breath as he was hugged and looked up at Yamato with eyes that resonated hurt felt by someone beyond his years "you can't just hug me and say it's going to be OK because right now, it doesn't feel that way. They still look at me different, though they don't hate me outwardly" he paused and looked away from Yamato "and now that Sasuke is gone, I…I don't know what I have left to do in life. I can't be the Hokage, I couldn't save him, I'm not worthy of being a Hokage. I know I'm supposed to be this strong person who can get through anything with the Kyubi's power but I seem to be failing. Everything I knew, thought I had is just falling away. I couldn't stop you from getting hurt and I let all my comrades get hurt too".

Yamato squeezed him tighter "Naruto you are not defined by the Kyubi. You are you an essence of your mother, your father, Jiraiya Sama, your sensei's, your friends and all those you have met and touched. The kyubis power was nothing compared to the force that was Naruto Uzumaki. Naruto we Shinobi survive through love and understanding. It's OK not to know what you want right now".

"Right now Yamato Taichou, all I know right now is that it hurts inside and I feel it eating me, and one day there won't be any me left because I never existed in the first place".

He thought back to his life without Kakashi and Iruka, he was living each day as it came not making any plans for the future as he himself didn't know what he wanted. He wished he could ease the boys pain but he didn't know how to ease his own let alone another's. "Naruto there'll come a day when it will all make sense; so you need to stop putting your life in danger. I never knew what I wanted either. But now that I have Iruka and Kakashi I feel complete, like I do have something to live for and my life isn't a waste. There is nothing scarier than getting what you want, because that's when you realise you really have something to lose and you can't be selfish with your life anymore" he smiled at Naruto "Besides, Iruka would be awfully upset if you got hurt again. We all would be. I'm really proud of you Naruto".

They heard footsteps approaching "we're proud of you too" Iruka said taking Naruto's other side bringing him in for a hug. Kakashi bent down throwing his arms around the three "Meh Naruto, I like how you've developed. How well you've turned out" Kakashi said crinkling his visible eye and gesturing for Naruto to come hither and give him a hug too. "Kaka-Sensei why do you always do creepy things" shouted Naruto backing away with a vein pulsing in his head. "Maa Naruto, I'm proud too" he followed Naruto still motioning for Naruto to give him a hug freaking the boy out further. "Yamato Taichou, Iruka Sensei, get him away from me" he shouted causing the other two to laugh hysterically. Iruka looked at Yamato noting how good it felt to hear him laugh freely. Yamato caught Iruka's eyes and leaped for him catching him in tight embrace causing Iruka to fall back on the floor in shock. Yamato captured his lips in a deep and slow kiss taking Iruka's breath away. "Missed you Ruka" he said as he nibbled on Iruka's bottom lips. "Missed you too Yamato" Iruka said gazing into his eyes. There moment was broken when they heard further shouting from Naruto and Kakashi and both shook their heads laughing. "Let's go save Naruto, think his been tortured enough" Yamato said offering Iruka a hand up.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N:  
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**S****orry for the late update! Just not been happy with the ****action scenes I've been writing but a recent review by Kel (Thank You) has made me determined to tackle this again. So heres the first part while I work on the rest of the story. Hope you guys like it.****  
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**_WARNING:_ Yaoi and more Angst!  
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**CHAPTER 14**

Iruka had finally been allowed to take both his lovers home after receiving the all clear. They had 2 days together before Kakashi and Yamato had to leave to join the re-con team. Iruka was determined to savour every moment he got with Kakashi and Yamato, he could see some of his old lover returning behind all the pain. He just hoped he was strong enough both mentally and physically to stand up to whatever that energy they had encountered was.

Yamato felt guilty as he watched Iruka's reflection in the mirror brush out his hair absent minded. He stood in front of the mirror with a towel wrapped around his waist after his shower; his long luscious brown hair fell just below his shoulders and stuck to his neck in places where it was still damp. Iruka caught Yamato's eyes in the mirror and a sad smile spread across Iruka's face "Hi" he rasped swallowing the lump in his throat. Yamato returned the smile and came over wrapping his arms around Iruka to rest his head on the Chunin's shoulder. "Iruka, I will come back to you, you know that right? I'll make sure Kakashi comes back too" Yamato tried to assure him. Iruka sighed and sank into Yamato's touch. Since Yamato had opened up he had been more willing to touch them, hold them and even initiate kissing and cuddling sessions to both Kakashi and Iruka's joy.

"Yamato, it's OK babe, I do understand. I just wish I could be with you". Iruka felt his lung capacity decrease and all of a sudden he found it hard to breath. He knew Yamato had to do this, was glad Kakashi would be there to support him but he didn't have to like it. "I'm being selfish babe. I know you have to do this, but I just want you both for myself. All I'm doing is thinking about myself and how much I'll miss both your bodies beside me. I'm sorry I'm not as self-less as Kakashi, his always thinking about you, about us. Don't worry about me OK?"

Yamato couldn't believe what he was hearing "Ruka listen to me, your nothing but self-less. After everything I've put you through I don't deserve you or Kakashi. I'm the one being selfish by going on the mission and making you both worry. But I'm really sorry I have to do this, I'm sorry for always being a burden" he nuzzled Iruka's shoulder. Kakashi had come out after his shower and watched both his lovers from the door jamb with a smile at the loving sight before him. He approached them wrapping his arm around Yamato tentatively and rested his head on his shoulder when he felt Yamato relax into his touch.

"Your both right, your both selfish" Kakashi chuckled as the other two raised their eyebrows at him "but I love you both none the less" he finished. "Iruka, we will come back to you so we can keep you warm in bed. Yamato you are a burden but you're our burden and we love you for it". Iruka and Yamato shared a glance, Kakashi could be romantic in a not so romantic way and both smiled at his indifference. This was his way of telling them he loved them. "Can I get a kiss?" he asked as he nuzzled Yamato's shoulder, he needed to feel them, he may put on a calm front but inside he was shaking.

Iruka turned in Yamato's arm and cupped Kakashi's face not surprised at all to find his cheek clammy from nervousness. "Don't hide yourself behind jokes Kashi" Iruka chided him affectionately kissing him slow and deeply. He moved away to let Kakashi gather himself and kissed Yamato. Yamato released an arm from around Iruka and threaded it through Kakashi's hair pulling him closer for a kiss of their own. He moaned as Kakashi sucked on his tongue "I want you" Yamato whimpered into his mouth taking both Iruka and Kakashi by surprise. "Erm…are you sure" Kakashi asked. Yamato's eyes flickered with emotion which Kakashi deciphered as hurt, possibly rejection "Yamato, you don't have to if you're not ready".

The black almond shaped eyes avoided both their gaze "Don't…don't you guys want me anymore?" he asked in such a quiet voice that it niggled at Kakashi's heart strings.

"Yamato, god Yamato. Are you serious?" Kakashi asked lifting his lovers chin towards him so he could look into those deep black pools. "What does this feel like Yama?" he ground his hard length into Yamato's back causing him to moan again and he blushed beautifully in their arms. "I've wanted you every day for so long" he growled low in his throat as he grinded his length against Yamato's cleft "but I didn't want to push you". Kakashi continued to roll his hips and left a trail of kisses up Yamato's neck "but we will only do this if you're ready for us".

Iruka nodded in agreement "Yamato, if only you knew what you do us" he kissed and nipped Yamato's jaw. "Your sexy body has done nothing but torment us for the last few months. Seeing it so badly damaged and bruised we just wanted to wrap you in our arms and never let go. This is why it's so hard for me to watch you go on a mission again" Iruka said nuzzling Yamato's cheek tenderly and then began to leave his own trail of kisses on the other side of Yamato's neck. "So Yamato" Iruka said with a smirk nibbling Yamato's collar "tell us what you want to do. What you need".

Yamato sighed in relief and felt his cheeks grow red again "Kashi, Ruka I…I want to feel you both. I need…you both…please". They had both yearned for so long to hear those words. They closed their eyes and took a deep breath both releasing groans of pleasure at his words. Kakashi carried on kissing along Yamato's jaw and then captured his lips battling with Yamato's tongue tasting the mouth he missed so much. Iruka kissed his way down Yamato's body, hands touching and kissing the scars left behind from the war whilst slipping off Yamato's pants. He kissed down one leg and then up the other relishing the moans coming from both his lovers. He looked up at both Kakashi and Yamato lost in a kiss and then smiled before swallowing Yamato whole releasing a gasp from him and taking Kakashi in his hand under the towel wrapped around his waist. He kissed, caressed and sucked Yamato until he felt a hand pulling at his hair. "Ruka…mmmm…not yet, please" Yamato groaned. Iruka turned to Kakashi and swallowed him giving him the same attention until he felt a tug in his hair. He kissed his way back up Yamato's body, playing with his nipple sucking and flicking it with his tongue and then captured his lips for a kiss off his own.

Kakashi prepared Yamato slowly knowing full well his lover was still recovering. Yamato winced with the feel of Kakashi preparing him but it felt good too. Kakashi guided both his lovers to the bed and gently laid Yamato down on his back as Iruka curled around him. Iruka and Kakashi began to kiss every inch of skin they could reach and touch until they felt Yamato lose all control under their torment. Iruka captured Yamato's lips "Oooo" Yamato moaned as the head of Kakashi entered him slowly. "Mmmmm am sorry baby, just hold on…you're so tight" Kakashi moaned at the feeling of Yamato around him. He pushed deeper "Aaahhh" Yamato whimpered as Kakashi filled him slowly. "Yama…baby...you OK?" He asked worried massaging Yamato's back to help ease the pain. It had been more than 5 months since Yamato had been stretched and he was worried about hurting him.

"Aaahhh Kashi...I'm fine babe, you feel so good…move already baby…I want to feel you". Kakashi chuckled and regained his composure slowly thrusting in and out of Yamato. Iruka placed a hand on Kakashi's back and wrapped his hand around Yamato stroking him to the rhythm of Kakashi's thrust. Yamato moaned with the feel of Kakashi inside of him and Iruka's hand on him he wasn't going to last much longer, but he needed to feel them both. "Iruka I want you too". He searched for Iruka and prepared him earning himself a moan. Kakashi eased of the thrusts as Yamato entered Iruka and they groaned in unison. Yamato moaned and felt his mouth being captured by Iruka, they knew Yamato wouldn't last much longer and nor would they as the beautiful sounds escaped Yamato's lips with each thrust. "Come for me Yama" Kakashi growled into his ear and pumped into him harder. The growl was all it took for him to go over the edge "Kashi, Ruka…Aaahhhh" Yamato screamed losing himself in the release. He felt Iruka come over his abdomen a few seconds later shouting his name and Kakashi followed thrusting hard once more, with his head back "Aaahhhh...YAMA!" and filled him with his seed.

All three remained as they were for a moment all tangled in each other's arms and legs. Kakashi gently eased out of Yamato causing him to wince and lay next to him with his arms around both his lovers. Yamato snuggled into Kakashi's chest whilst Iruka spooned Yamato's back head resting on his shoulder. Yamato let out a sigh and he felt both pairs of arm tighten around him. Kakashi raised Yamato's chin and whispered "Yama" with a worried look. He looked up and took Kakashi's lips kissing him deeply trying to show him how much he loved him and that he was alright now, they didn't have to worry. He then turned his head slightly and felt Kakashi's arms loosen so he could kiss Iruka. Yamato took Iruka's lips and kissed him to show him that his old Yamato was returning. He pulled away and Kakashi and Iruka shared a kiss of their own over his head. Yamato couldn't resist either of their necks and reached up to suck on the skin leaving marks first on Kakashi earning himself a gasp and then Iruka who moaned into Kakashi's mouth. Kakashi and Iruka looked at one another and both with a smile pounced and set to work on Yamato again.

-oOo-

They day arrived when Kakashi and Yamato had to leave, Iruka watched them prepare there packs and sat quietly biting his fingers anxiously. Yamato approached him with his head down "Iruka" he said questioningly not looking his lover in the eye "thank you" he said head still bowed "thank you for everything" he finally looked at Iruka whose eyes glistened with unshed tears.

"Oh Yamato" Iruka said pulling him into his arms so Yamato straddled his hips. Yamato wrapped his arms around Iruka's neck and held him kissing the top of his head until the sobs died down. Iruka lifted his head from Yamato's chest and smoothed out the ruffled Jounin vest "I'm OK now Yama". He cupped Yamato's face and looked into the almond shaped eyes and saw the traces of shadow still there "promise me, promise me if it gets too much you'll pull away. You'll tell Kakashi and you'll pull away. You don't need to prove anything to anyone love, so promise me" Iruka said desperately trying to get his message across. Yamato nodded solemnly and kissed Iruka thoroughly before getting out of his lap so Kakashi could say goodbye.

Iruka helped both of them with their flak jackets; they both held onto him one last time and kissed him before teleporting away. Iruka fell to his knees and buried his head into his hands, _please, oh please let him them be OK _he sobbed uncontrollably as his body trembled with each heart breaking cry.

-oOo-

Kakashi glanced at Yamato as they sped through the woods towards their location. He saw the subtle beads of perspiration on Yamato's neck. They had been traveling all day and night was soon approaching. "Maa Yamato" he said catching the brown haired Jounins attention "Let's find a place to rest". Yamato stopped in a clearing ahead thought for a few moments and constructed a small hut for Kakashi and himself complete with bed and a kitchenette area with table and chairs. Kakashi was used to Yamato's fine dwellings but he was still in awe at the structure "You never cease to surprise me" he said chuckling kissing him on the cheek with his masked lips.

Yamato blushed "I put up the tent, you're cooking".

Kakashi nodded laughing "Fine go rest in our _tent_, I'll call you when the foods ready". Yamato went into the hut and rested his eyes, his mind partly on the lover he left behind and the upcoming events. _What if it really is Orochimaru? What if it's really my fault that he came back? What do I do? He wants me, won't leave me until he has me, that's what he said, I belong to him._ Yamato's mind played over different scenario's as he shifted restlessly on the bed. He was so lost in thought he didn't sense Kakashi's presence watching him.

Kakashi padded softly over and placed a hand to Yamato's temple startling him "Yamato, rest" he said kissing his eyes as he fired a bolt of chakra through him to render him to sleep. It was a great technique he had picked up from Sakura when she wanted Naruto to rest or out of her way. Kakashi went back to preparing the food; Yamato would be out for at least 2 hours, plenty of time for him to read the scrolls that had arrived recently from the re-con team at the location. His eyes widened in shock as he read a hurriedly scrawled note in the middle of the page. Below it was a paragraph of explanation. They had lost a team member who died an honourable death. Even on his last leg bear had managed to get information to them, Kakashi's hand shook with both fear and anger as he dropped the scroll. The hurried scribble read _Orochimaru alive; target CAT._


	15. Chapter 15

**CHAPTER 15**

Yamato glanced at his lover as they travelled hastily through the thick green forest. From years of working and being together he noticed the slight changes in Kakashi's behaviour from the previous day. His chuckle was slower and forced; the Icha Icha book he held when they stopped for 5 minute breaks was angled higher than normal, the melancholy that usually followed Kakashi's nature also seemed deeper than usual. Yamato let out a sigh, this could only mean that things were much worse than they had initially thought and Kakashi was trying to protect him from the truth.

"Kakashi" Yamato stopped at a clearing ahead "let's stop for lunch. We're a few hours away from where Raidou and Genma hold base". Kakashi nodded in agreement welcoming the needed break. He took out there water canteens and went to fill them whilst Yamato prepared lunch.

Yamato watched Kakashi do little insignificant tasks whilst making tea to go with their lunch. They had stopped for 10minutes now and Kakashi hadn't said a word to him. "Kashi?" Yamato said questioningly as he watched his lover sharpen a kunai in deep thought. Kakashi looked up "Is lunch ready?" he asked and moved closer. "Eh…yeah, it is" he mumbled pouring the soup out for them and handing a bowl to Kakashi. It still amazed him how Kakashi ate with his mask on with lightening quick reflexes. If you didn't know what you were looking for, you would miss the calculated and precise movement of the mask being lowered just enough to reveal thin pale lips as his other hand delivered food in accurate proportions and the mask was lifted again, all within a millisecond without disturbing the air around him.

Kakashi gave his lover a small smile as he noticed he was being watched. Yamato blushed and went back to his soup as Kakashi got up and started tidying things away. Yamato couldn't take it anymore and approached Kakashi's back while he packed away the utensils. "Kashi, why are you avoiding me?" he asked. Kakashi froze momentarily and continued packing hoping Yamato hadn't noticed the error. "Kashi, stop please" he grabbed Kakashi's arm forcing the man to turn towards him "what it is? Kakashi tell me please". A million thoughts run through Kakashi's head as he weighed out each scenario in his head and its outcome. None of them as far as he could calculate would be good. He slumped his shoulders and looked at his lover's partially shadowed eyes. He was glad to see some light in the black pools finally and reached out run his thumb across the shallow cheek. The strain of the last months had taken a toll on Yamato's body and it showed the most in the hollows of the usually well-defined cheeks of his lover who had always had a healthy pale glow to his skin. It saddened him to see the beautiful skin so ghostly pale and knew he had to tell him.

Kakashi reached out for Yamato's hand who took it tentatively and was pulled down to sit beside Kakashi. He handed his lover the scroll "Yamato I got some data before we left". He watched as Yamato read the information and his eyes widened in shock as he read the last paragraph and dropped the scroll; _Orochimaru alive; target CAT_.

"Kashi" he whispered as he stared at the copy Nin eyes wide and visibly shocked. "It was me" the pale hands trembled as they covered his mouth. "It was me" he whispered again "I…but how?"

Kakashi kneeled in front of Yamato and took the trembling hands into his "Yamato I'm sorry we didn't tell you earlier" he saw the almond eyes narrow and fall onto his face "Tsunade Sama had a theory, but we weren't sure if it was accurate. This last bit of information from bear confirms it. Before I tell you Yamato you have to promise me, I know Iruka's already made you promise. But promise me too, if it gets too much you'll pull away. I don't need a hero for a lover, I just need you" he caressed the pale cheek once more. Yamato nodded in agreement "I won't carry out any heroics Kashi, but promise me you won't either".

Kakashi chuckled "can't promise that, I have a reputation to uphold. A man of a thousand jutsu" he smiled forcefully as Yamato looked at him worriedly. "Fine. I promise you, I won't" he sighed as his lover looked at him expectantly to hear Tsunade Sama's theory.

He took a deep breath "Tsunade Sama had this theory that with each experiment Orochimaru carried out, he used some of his own chakra in addition to whatever crazy plan he had going on at that time, as he ultimately wanted to possess those jutsu so needed to know whether he was compatible. She thinks that in addition to having some of the First Hokage's DNA, you also have some residual chakra from Orochimaru as did Anko. When Kabuto captured you both, that was what he was after. Kabuto had devised a jutsu that would allow him to take Orochimaru's residual chakra and bring him back". Kakashi stopped taking in his lover's reaction. Yamato was shaking, his hands were clammy and the black almond eyes look startled. Kakashi didn't have to finish the rest of the theory, Yamato had guessed.

"My breakdown, it was Kabuto" Kakashi nodded "he extracted it didn't he?" Yamato didn't need Kakashi to confirm it; he already knew "Orochimaru, he can't survive for long without using another's body". Kakashi wrapped his arms around Yamato comfortingly hoping he could keep his lover rooted as he knew the pieces had fallen into place in his lovers mind. "When you fought him, you sent him to another plain with your sharingan and he occupied the white snake" He looked up at Kakashi with vacant black eyes.

"Yamato, Yamato don't" he whispered into his lovers ear "Don't go there Yama" he pleaded seeing he was losing the lover they had worked so hard to get back.

"The whispers. The taunting. It wasn't my imagination; it was the seal falling apart. He was right" a vivid memory came back to Yamato.

**"**_**I am what you make me Tenzou; I need you to finish what I couldn't. You will be mine; I will have your body. Your mind. Your soul. For my use".**_

"It was me, I released him" he looked at Kakashi "I didn't mean to Kashi".

Kakashi hushed him "we know love. Stay with me OK" he caressed the soft brown hair as the body he held relaxed slightly at the touch.

But then it dawned on Yamato, his lover was in danger "Kakashi you have to leave me. I can't guarantee your safety and I promised Iruka I'd bring you back".

"Yamato I'm not leaving you now or ever" Kakashi said holding onto Yamato as he struggled to get away "Yama, I love you. We can defeat him".

"Don't you get it Kakashi?" He said freeing himself from Kakashi's grasp. "He'll hurt you to get to me!" He stepped back and looked deep into his lovers' eyes. "Kashi, if you love me, then leave me please" Kakashi shook his head and reached out for Yamato again.

"Kashi please, I'm…I'm…I'm his next chamber" he whispered.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N:**

**So here it is.**

**Unbeknowingly once again, I have managed to come up with a simillar plot to that of the current Shippuuden fillers. And it's alway orochimaru based that i seem to be able to 'forsee' as such...hmmm  
**

**Maybe they read my story :p (one wishes)****  
**

* * *

**Chapter 16**

"Yamato" Raidou clapped him on the shoulders "good to see you again" he said with a smile as the two landed in the clearing. He then turned to Kakashi "The areas secure; we await Tsunade Sama's orders". Kakashi nodded in approval and signalled for Hawk to come over as he pulled Raidou away to walk and talk with him keeping an eye on Yamato who surveyed the landscape.

Kakashi put his hand in his pockets and took up his customary slouch "The Intel and theory is accurate. But there's one other thing". Kakashi stopped talking and looked at Yamato who was being filled in by Hawk on the set up of the chambers below. To think Yamato had been abducted and those chambers were his prison for the early part of his life made Kakashi see red. He itched to get his hand on Orochimaru and make him pay for all the pain he had caused his lover. He clenched his fists in his pockets and continued explain the theory further "Raidou, we have reason to believe that Orochimaru will use Yamato as his vessel".

Raidou's eyes widened in shock, he shook his head in disbelief "Does he know?" he asked and got a nod in reply. "Why is he here Kakashi? This is wrong and you know it. The kid was imprisoned here and god knows what was done to him and now…now you bring the vessel to _him?!_ What is going on here and why are you and Iruka letting him do this?" he asked exasperated. Raidou was one of the few that knew about his relationship with Iruka and Yamato having worked with all three at some point.

"Look, Iruka and I aren't happy about it but…" Kakashi took a deep breath. Though he had supported Yamato he knew he had more to lose then gain if the mission went wrong. The thought made his legs tremble. "Raidou, he needs to do this it's the only way he'll be able to overcome the shadows. His tired, just tired and doesn't want to run anymore". Raidou nodded in understanding, he was former ANBU and had worked with Yamato on a number of missions. The stoic ninja just didn't run, he fought and he fought hard.

They stopped talking as they saw Yamato approach "The last report of a suspicious chakra signature was a mile away from the lab" Yamato said who was already in mission mode. "Tsunade Sama's orders were to destroy the lab and the snake".

Raidou took in Yamato's posture; he looked no different than he did on any other mission he had gone on with Yamato. But his eyes spoke volumes. They were different and he couldn't read the expression in them. Yamato was strong he knew, but we all had our limits. He ran a hand through his hair _Orochimaru is still alive and we need to stop him and destroy any relic of him _he told himself_. _"The labs and chambers underground have been destroyed; the final explosive tags have been prepared to destroy what's remaining. We move out first light to find and destroy the target boys, so rest tonight" Raidou said taking the information Kakashi had given to communicate it with the rest of the team.

-oOo-

Yamato stared into the dust storm produced by the collapse of the labs with glazed dark eyes. He had spent his early life there like a caged animal. Though he had no real recollection, the screams he heard and images that flashed through his minds on occasions felt real enough. Fate had intervened and he had survived but sometimes he wished he hadn't. All those other children, every single one would have been better to the world than he was. They would have contributed to the lives of many and achieved goals beyond imagination. But fate was cruel and had kept him alive so he could bring more misery to the world. He was more than useless and that was proved during the war where he was captured. Yamato was shaken out of his musings by a hand on his lower back rubbing soothing circles.

"What are you thinking Yama?" Kakashi asked sitting beside Yamato on the branch in the shadow of the great Oak.

Yamato looked at his lovers grey eye and saw worry, hurt, pain and longing. He plastered his face with a smile and said what he knew would ease his lovers mind "Thinking of you, and Iruka, and how lucky I am" he said leaning into Kakashi's touch. Kakashi's mask stretched where his lips were and Yamato knew he was smiling. Kakashi was well aware Yamato was saying and doing what he thought Kakashi wanted to hear but he was grateful for it. It meant his lover was still willing to fight and was thinking of home.

Kakashi leaned back against the trunk and pulled Yamato between his legs wrapping his arms around the slender chest. He didn't care who saw and that they were on a mission. He needed Yamato close to feel his warmth and breathe his scent to stop the fear that bubbled inside him. He felt Yamato relax in his arm and nuzzled his cheek, Yamato clearly didn't care either and wanted this. "I wish you'd go home babe" Yamato said softly.

Kakashi shook his head and sighed "we've talked about this Yama".

"I know"

"Besides, if I wasn't here you wouldn't have a comfortable pillow to sleep on" Yamato chuckled and entwined his fingers with the hand that rested on his chest. Kakashi used his free hand to caress the jaw under the samurai style face plate "Sleep" Kakashi whispered into his ear "I've got you". Yamato settled back further into his hold and kissed the hand on his face tenderly.

"Wake me up in an hour, so you can sleep ok?" Yamato said closing his eyes with a smile as he felt Kakashi nod and felt the whisper of _love you_ on his neck. He squeezed the gloved hand in answer.

-oOo-

Kakashi felt it, felt the evil intent and tightened his grip on the man he held. Pakkun appeared at his side an instant later "Boss" he whispered trying not to alert Yamato. Kakashi nodded, so the Nin dog had felt it too.

"Alert Raidou" he said before Pakkun teleported away with his task. Kakashi pulled up his forehead protector and scanned the vicinity with his sharingan. Yamato sat up straight as a shock of a chakra signature hit them harshly.

"His here" Yamato whispered the fear evident in his voice as his body jerked into a fighting stance automatically alert and awake. The shadows surrounding them grew and shrunk in the moonlight as both shinobi's eyes flickered at every small movement caused by the wind. From their vantage point in the tree they saw Raidou and the rest of the ANBU team gather around them as they searched for the intruder. Kakashi realised all movement around them came to a steadying halt and even the night critters stopped chirping as the evil intent grew stronger and they were sucked into a deadly stillness.

The silence was broken by a short gasp. Kakashi immediately turned to see body begin to fall out of a tree and before he could think, a flash of white came hissing at them. "YAMATO MOVE!" Kakashi pushed Yamato off the branch as the white body came at his lover and followed the descending body. He heard a shout, a hiss, and then blackness engulfed him as the silence took over "_Yamato… YAMATO!"_


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Kakashi came to with his hand grasping, grasping for what he wasn't sure. He reached out again trying to take some hold in the darkness. He opened both eyes and it all came rushing back to him taking his breath away. He panted harshly as the sharingan continued to show him the moments before he was engulfed by darkness. "Yamato" he gasped climbing onto all fours "YAMATO!"

-oOo-

Yamato saw it coming and knew its purpose, but just as he readied himself to face it head on Kakashi pushed him off the branch and left himself open as the target. "NO!" Yamato shouted as he watched the jaw of a summoned snake extend to engulf Kakashi. There was no way he was surrendering his lover. In the midst of his fall Yamato managed to shoot out a tendril to knock the snake out of its course but found it just split in two and was still heading for Kakashi, as he himself was falling into the path of the original white snake. In a last attempt to save his lover, Yamato formed the hand seals in mid-air; he just needed one hand to touch the ground before the snake engulfed him to complete his jutsu. Time seemed to slow for him as the white snake rocketed towards, him fangs bared spitting venom and its mouth growing larger as it neared its prey. _"Kashi, I promised" _he whispered as the ground came nearer and so did the white body of his enemy. He felt the moisture surround him as he frantically reached for the ground. His fingers brushed the soil and then he felt the solid ground beneath his palm as he let chakra flow through his body. _"Please get there in time"_ he pleaded as the jaw enclosed around him and he was swallowed into the pit of a muculent beast.

-oOo-

"Kakashi?!" he heard the echo of Raidou's voice. Kakashi was weak; he was low on chakra after using the teleporting barrier jutsu and couldn't break out of the darkness without help. "Raidou!" Kakashi shouted back his breathing laboured, "Yamato, help Yamato!" He felt the vibration of something hitting the prison that surrounded him and slowly light filtered through as a crack was formed and grew larger. Raidou's face appeared in the opening and soon Kakashi was pulled out into the open. He surveyed the destruction that surrounded him. Raidou didn't have to tell him, Kakashi's gaze followed the trail that lead from him to a spot where Yamato should have been, but was instead replaced by a large crater where the snake's fang had landed engulfing Yamato before the summon disappeared. Kakashi looked behind him to find that his prison was what he had suspected. In his final moments before being captured, Yamato had chosen to save Kakashi rather than himself. He had used a wood release binding technique to alter Kakashi's path this time from the oncoming summoned snakes and had pulled him into a jutsu that was a combination of his tree binding flourishing burial and wood locking wall. This had caused a protective layer that confined Kakashi in a sphere of the wood locking wall whilst imprisoning the snakes and burying them.

Kakashi fell to his knees as his breathing became more strenuous, _you promised me Yama_ he hit the soil beneath him with his gloved hands. His lover had taken his only option away from him, had seen right through him. Kakashi had decided to give up his body to Orochimaru in Yamato's stead. Mentally and physically Kakashi knew Yamato wouldn't be able to defeat a complete take over by Orochimaru, not after everything that had happened to him. By offering his sharingan and his body Kakashi would have had a better chance of withstanding Orochimaru without completely losing himself, but Yamato had taken that choice away from him. He had made Yamato promise not to carry out any heroics and his lover had done exactly the opposite. Yamato had saved him whilst sacrificing himself. Kakashi traced the veins of the wood tendril left behind, a legacy of Yamato's genius and curse. _Damn it Yamato_ Kakashi fisted the ground again. He had to find him; he had to believe Yamato was resilient enough. Physically Kakashi knew Yamato would be exhausted but it was the mental battle that would determine the war.

-oOo-

Yamato blinked clearing his vision, his mind was hazy and his body was limp. But something was keeping him upright, he blinked again as his vision came into focus. He found himself being supported by a snake bound around his abdomen as it hovered its sneering face just above his head; tongue revealingly slithering in and out of its mouth. He heard a hiss behind him as another being moved out of the shadow into his vision _"well, well, well"_ it hissed as it drew nearer. _"I warned you against running. I told you, you were mine did I not?" _the face came into view _"Lab rat" _Orochimaru smirked in his true form, a scaly face with fangs bared on a snakes white body_ "Your mine Tenzou"_ he hissed with laughter.


End file.
